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Boss: Alice, people are uncomfortable with your communication style. Alice: Did someone complain? Boss: No, I'm picking it up in their body language. Alice: So.. people have bad posture and that means I don't say things right? Boss: Call it a gut feeling. Alice: Ohhhh. That sounds rational. Let's toss some feng shui into the equation and maybe get a psychic to contact the dead to see what they say bout me. Or maybe everyone could stop being whiny babies! Oh, wait. I see it now.
Dilbert: I have too many projects. I'm freaking out. Boss: Experts say you should tackle the most unpleasant tasks first, so you have a feeling of accomplishment and control. Dilbert: Now I have too many projects and some extra anxiety that I'm doing them in the wrong order. Boss: Off you go.
Dilbert: Did you see the article on the Internet about the five signs you might be a bad boss? Boss: Yeah. About seventy people forwarded it to me. Dilbert: That was number three on the list. Boss: I didn't read it. Dilbert: That was number one.
Phil: I am Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light. I got a report that you wished bad karma upon your co-workers. Dilbert: You would put off a more menacing vibe if you didn't have leftover cereal in your pitchspoon. Phil: I was really hungry and I didn't feel like emptying the dishwasher. Dilbert: We've all been there.
Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.
Dogbert the Co-CEO. Dilbert: I have bad news. Your Co-CEO died trying to kitesurf some class 6 rapids for a publicity stunt. Dogbert: Get to the bad part. Is it margins?
Dilbert:I'm hitting a snag with this RFP because our products don't do what they need. Should I give up and accept failure or lie about our features and transfer the problem to them? Boss: My daddy used to say it isn't a problem if you can give it to someone else. Dilbert: Then he drove you to school?
Carol: Dilbert called to say he'd be late for your meeting. He said something about having a freak accident while vacuuming naked. Dilbert: Did you tell him traffic was bad? Carol: More or less.
Tina: I heard you had a freak accident while vacuuming your house naked. Dilbert: That's a rumor. I don't know how that stuff spreads. Tina: Now I feel a little bad that I told thirty people.
Tags #anger, #criticism, #perfection, #psychological disorder, #psychological evaluation, #perfectionist, #warning, #not a problem, #cognitive dissonance, #unrealistic optimism, #projection bias, #jerk, #anger issues
Coworker: I should warn you that I'm a perfectionist. Dilbert: I appreciate the warning. Do you have any other psychological problems or just the one? Coworker: I don't think of it as a "problem." Dilbert: I guess that's what makes it so bad. I see a lot of other psychological problems in your writing. Cognitive dissonance, unrealistic optimism, and some projection bias. But I can see why you think your perfectionism is the worst part. Coworker: You're a jerk. Dilbert: ...and here come the anger issues.