Ceo Comic Strips - Page 52
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627 Results for Ceo
View 511 - 520 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 26,
2016
Ceo Sits On His Wallet
Tags complaining, perspective, suffering, competition
Transcript
CEO: I hate to complain, but it hurts when I sit on my wallet for too long. Asok: I risked an honor killing to pay my rent. CEO: This is why I hate to complain. Asok: I know a hundred ways to eat a spider.
Friday October 07,
2016
Fire The Bottom Ten Percent
Tags rank, hierarchy, value, fired, termination, layoff, logic, executives
Transcript
CEO: I want you to fire the employees you ranked in the bottom ten percent. Boss: Wouldn't that just put someone else in the bottom ten percent? CEO: Everything made sense until you started talking. Boss: Sorry.
Monday October 10,
2016
Gawful Media Company
Tags merger, acquisition, gawker, morals, executives, decision, information
Transcript
CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.
Tuesday October 11,
2016
Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company
Tags merger, acquisition, gawker, reputation, infamy
Transcript
CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...
Wednesday October 12,
2016
Internet Wants Ceo To Die
Tags anger, shame, unpopular, popularity, public relations, gawker
Transcript
CEO: The company we acquired is making us look bad. Dilbert: How bad? CEO: The internet is demanding that I drink poison and apologize to the world while I die. What should I do? Dilbert: Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd go with something fast-acting.
Saturday October 15,
2016
Blame Rolls Downhill
Tags blame, responsibility, management
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO blamed the Sales department for our low revenue. Sales blamed Marketing and Marketing blamed Engineering. Guess why I'm here. Dilbert: To shield me from unfair accusations?
Wednesday November 16,
2016
Employee Weight Loss Contest
Tags obesity, health, weight loss, weight, dieting, cheating, competition, medical
Transcript
CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.
Saturday November 26,
2016
Airport Scanners
Tags video, security camera, tsa, air travel
Transcript
CEO: I heard you appeared naked on Elbonian television. Dilbert: I did? CEO: The only television show in Elbonia is a live feed from their airport full-body scanners. Dilbert: That can't be true. CEO: One of our subsidiaries built the system. Here's you.
Thursday December 08,
2016
Ceo Fixes His Problem
Tags product safety, danger, battery, recall, cell phone, samsung, media, Entertainment, technology
Transcript
CEO: The press says I need to resign because of our exploding phones fiasco. Dilbert: Maybe you can change their minds by sending the press our new model that doesn't explode. CEO: I already sent them the exploding phones and said it was our new models. Your way left too much to chance.
Monday December 12,
2016
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real
Tags engineers, sociopath, pathology, hit man, murder, killing, morals, emotions
Transcript
CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.


