Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 52

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1000 Results for Avoid Work

View 511 - 520 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Working In The Cloud

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Wally Working In The Cloud - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, laziness, the cloud, work ethic, software, issues, cell coverage, home, doing nothing, engineering

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Wally: If you need me, I'll be in the cloud fixing a software issue. There's no cell coverage in the cloud, so it might seem to you as if I am at home doing nothing. If you need me, I'll be at home doing nothing. Dilbert: Why would anyone need you?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chakras, compatibility, dancing, dating, yoga, risk, guzzle wine, live music, chakra energy, hives, hate dance, relationships

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Woman: I like dancing and... Dilbert: I'm out. I avoid any relationship that has a risk of dancing. Woman: You're rejecting me because I like to dance? Dilbert: Yeah, it would start out all innocent... but two months into it you'd be guzzling wine and dragging me toward live music. Then you'd start doing all this... and this... and some of this... Woman: I also enjoy doing yoga to release my chakra energy. Does that bother you? Dilbert: I think I'm getting hives.

Wally's Document Doesn't Open

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Wally's Document Doesn't Open - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jargon, laziness, technology, document, project update, hard disk, erase, reinstall, operating system, work

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Boss: I couldn't open the document you sent with your project update. Wally: Try erasing your hard disk and reinstalling the operating system. Boss: I guess I don't need it that badly. Wally: After all the work I put into making that document?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, feedback, managers, managers & supervisors, performance, appreciate, feel valued, belittle, indirect, slow and isorganized, business

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Boss: Would you like some feedback on your performance? Dilbert: No. Boss: You're supposed to appreciate feedback because it makes you feel valued. Dilbert: How does listening to you belittle me about things you don't understand make me feel valued? Boss: Well, I don't know. It must be an indirect thing. Maybe we should just try it and see how it feels. Dilbert: Whatever. Boss: I don't actually watch you work, so I'm mostly guessing about the things you do wrong. I accuse you of being slow and disorganized! Is it working yet? Dilbert: Yes. If that makes you go away.

Alice Is Rested From Vacation

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Alice Is Rested From Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, relaxation, stress, vacation, work, rested, aftreglow, text message, enraged

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Alice: I feel so rested and relaxed after my vacation. I wonder how long this afterglow will last because... excuse me while I check this text message. Dilbert: Is it too late to start timing it? [Alice is on fire]

Winning The Bid

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Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bidding, executives, lying, outsourcing, projects, winning bid, good news, secretly subcontract, scream, presentation

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Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, holidays, laziness, trust, work ethic, telecommute, bring kid to work, work from home, distrust, corrodes motivation, toxic environment, ruin naps

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Wally: Is it okay if I telecommute on "Bring Your Kid To Work" Day? I'll show my kid how I work from home. Boss: How would I know you were working? Wally: What??!! That is exactly the sort of distrust that corrodes the motivation of employees! How can I feel good about my job in this toxic atmosphere? Boss: Okay, okay. You can work from home on "Bring Your Kid To Work" Day. Dilbert: You don't have a kid. Wally: I hear they ruin your naps.

Wally Does Ceo Job For 10%

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Wally Does Ceo Job For 10% - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, money, wages, work ethic, annual pay, deal, split work, salary, work percentage, pass the buck

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Dogbert the CEO. Dogbert: I will give you 10% of my annual pay if you do 100% of my job for me. 10% of my pay as CEO is still a lot of money. Wally: I'll do it. I'll give you 10% of what he's paying me if you do 100% of his work plus mine. It's still a lot of money. Asok: I'm in!

Hiring A Co Ceo

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Hiring A Co Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceos, executives, wages, work ethic, co ceo, break tie, manioulate, pay, hire, split salary, money

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CEO: I decided to hire a co-CEO to share the job with me. Dilbert: I assume you know that having a co-CEO does not mean you get paid the same while working half as much. CEO: Can I fire you? Co-CEO: No, we need a third CEO to break the tie.

Work Harder Than The Competition

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Work Harder Than The Competition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competitors, executives, helicopter, hypocrisy, hypocrite, rich people, super yacht, work ethic, work harder

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CEO: We can only succeed if we work harder than our competitors! Oops, gotta go. My helicopter is here to take me to my massage appointment on my superyacht. Stop staring at me. I only have to work harder than other CEOs.