Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 52

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags investing, rudeness, firing, downsizing

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Dogbert says, "Your stock fell a penny a share so I bough 51% of the company." Dogbert says, "I'll double my investment just by firing you." Dogbert says, "Thanks for not being totally worthless." Man says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags unemployment, depressed, rudeness, conversation

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Dogbert says, "What's the worst part about you being unemployed?" Dogbert says, "Is it the risk of starvation, the inability to date, or the feeling of being utterly worthless?" Dilbert says, "So far the worst part is this conversation." Dogbert says, "Wait 'til you hear my tough love speech."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags housing, mortgage, payment, unemployed, finances, banks, money

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Dilbert says, "I can't afford to pay the mortgage this month." Dogbert says, "There's no reason to worry." Dogbert says, "I doubt your bank can afford postage to send you an eviction notice." Dilbert says, "That didn't make me worry less." Dogbert says, "How are we set for firearms?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers, internet, investing, screaming, panic, unemployed, technology

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Dilbert says, "I'm not stressed about being out of work because I have my investments. Let's see how they?" GAAAA!!! Dogbert says, "Maybe some warlords are hiring."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags firings, layoffs, company, business

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Dilbert says, "I don't care that you fired me for using work time to start my own internet business." Dilbert says, "My new company will be a huge success!" The Boss says, "yes, and we own it because you created it during work." Dilbert says, "Then I barfed in my box full of junk." Dogbert says, "You may have lost that round."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, revenue, firing, prediction

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Dilbert says, "my side business Dilbertfiles.com, is getting lots of attention." Dilbert says, "I have a feeling I will soon be leaving my cubicle behind." Dogbert says, "Yep." Catbert says, "All in favor of firing this idiot for using company resources..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, costume, date, lying, work clothes, scapegoat, depatment, entire comapny, men in unifrom

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Dilbert says, "I didn't have time to change out of my work clothes." Dilbert says, "I'm working as a scapegoat for my department. Someday I hope to be a scapegoat for the entire company." Dilbert says, "You told me women like men in uniform." Dogbert says, "I say things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eat, scare, Word, troll, dress code, cubicle, scaring vendors, word gets around

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Dilbert: I got reassigned to manage our legacy systems. The dress code is "troll." My cubicle is under the walkway. My side job is scaring vendors. Dogbert: Is that hard? Dilbert: Only the first day. After you eat one vendor, work gets around.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, bad idea, saving & investment, financial advisor, diseased livestock, sick cow, aggregate, math, savvy, education, money

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Dogbert the financial adviser Dogbert: You should invest all of your money is diseased livestock. It would be unwise to invest in one sick cow, but if you aggregate a bunch of them together the risk goes away. It's called math. The boss: Suddenly I feel all savvy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer, hacking, illegal, support, technology, diagnose computer problem, remotely, spam server, snoop files, pilfer bank act.

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Dogbert's tech support Dogbert: May I remotely take over your computer to diagnose the problem? Now hold while I snoop into your personal filed, pilfer your bank accounts and turn your computer into a spam server. Client: THAT'S ILLEGAL! Dogbert: So are 75% of your personal files, but you don't see me getting all huffy.