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Wally enters wearing a court jester costume. Dilbert asks, "What's the story with the costume, Wally?" Wally replies, "The Boss put me on a special task force to see if humor increases creativity. I have to dress like this for a month." Dilbert asks, "Are you feeling more creative?" Wally replies, "Yeah. I've already thought of six hundred ways to kill him,"
One Elbonian asks another, "How many left-handed Elbonians does it take to change a light bulb?" The Elbonian says, "None! Left-handed Elbonians don't have any light bulbs!" The other Elbonian asks, "What's a light bulb?" The Elbonian replies, "I guess it would be funnier if we knew that."
Dilbert and a woman sit on a grassy hill. The woman says, "Dilbert, I think it would be better if we were just friends." Dilbert says, "Okay." The woman thinks, "Okay?? He took it too easy. I should bargain for more." The woman says, "I mean . . . Friends with OTHER people. You and I would just be acquaintances." Dilbert replies, "Okay." The woman thinks, "Still too easy. I can get more." The woman says, "I don't mean the kind of acquaintances that could become friends . . . It would be more like you were an ex-employee of mine." Dilbert replies, "Okay." The woman says, "Yeah, that's it. You can be my ex-butler, who I fired for stealing stuff." Dilbert replies, "Okay." The woman thinks, "What's going on here?" Dilbert thinks, "Good. It looks like the window of opportunity is still slightly open."
Dogbert says to a patient on the examining table, "You have a mild flu, and normally you would survive." Dogbert continues, "However, in this brief visit I've developed no real empathy for you, so I've decided to let you die." The man asks, "Is there anything I can do?!" Dogbert replies, "Well . . . Unless you can afford my new 'Ambassador Class' service."
Dogbert sits at a desk under a sign that says, "Detective research on your potential romantic partner." A woman says, "I'm considering dating a man, but I'm worried." Dogbert asks, "What's his name?" The woman answers, "Bill . . . His name is Bill." Dogbert says, "Ahh . . . Bill . . . Yes, I know all about Bill." Dogbert continues, "Bill has a huge ego. All he thinks about is himself." Dogbert continues, "He has no emotional depth and he thinks of your conversations as mere chatter. He wants your body, not your mind." Dogbert continues, "Several times a day, Bill imagines himself with different women." The woman looks upset. The customer says, "Darn. This time I thought I'd found a normal guy." Dogbert says, "I have some really bad news for you."
Dilbert sits at his desk. He hears, "Ha ha! Now spin on your head! Ha ha ha!" Dilbert walks into the room and sees an Elbonian standing on his head. He asks Dogbert, "What's going on here?" Dogbert replies, "This is Yergi. He's visiting from Elbonia." Dogbert explains, "The economy in Elbonia is so bad he only earns three dollars a month as a doctor." Dogbert continues, "It takes a year to earn enough for a pair of shoes . . . It takes TWO years for a pound of meat." Dogbert continues, "Philanthropist that I am, I offered to give him an old boot if he would act like my trained monkey for a week." Dilbert scolds, "Dogbert! I can't believe you would buy this man's dignity for an old boot!" Yergi says, "I plan to tell the kids it's a pound of meat." Dogbert says, "Quiet, Bobo."
Ratbert and Dogbert walk toward each other on the sidewalk. Ratbert says, "Hey, Dogbert, everybody is talking about you at the lab." Dogbert asks, "Really?" Ratbert says, "The 'cow and egg' industry is going to discredit your vegetarian movement. They paid us to prove meat is healthy." Dogbert says, "What's your role?" Ratbert replies, "I play the rat who ironically chokes to death on a carrot during the news conference." Dogbert replies, "Great . . . I'll have to see that on CNN about a jillion times."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I'd like you meet Ben, our newest fast-track manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "Ben has no real experience but he's very tall, so we know he'll go far." Ben adds, "I also have executive style hair." The Boss says, "We think it will turn silver."
Dogbert sits at a desk typing. Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder and asks, "What's this?" Dogbert replies, "I'm starting my own newsletter for clueless people." Dogbert continues, "Thanks to the technical marvel of desktop publishing, clueless people will now have the benefit of my immense wisdom." Dilbert asks, "How do you know who the clueless people are?" Dogbert replies, "They ask a lot of questions."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I invested all of my money in stock options." Dogbert asks, "What's an option?" Dilbert explains, "It's complicated . . . Basically, you give your money to a stock broker and he buys nice things for his family." Dilbert asks, "Do you have any snide comments?" Dogbert replies, "No, you took all the fun out of it."