While You Complain Comic Strips - Page 52
561 Results for While You Complain
View 511 - 520 results for while you complain comic strips. Discover the best "While You Complain" comics from Dilbert.com.
The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You all know our president, Mister Goodenrich. He's here to answer any questions you have." Alice asks, "Why aren't there any women or minorities in senior management positions?" Mr. Goodenrich replies, "We think women are for making babies. As for minorities, we fear them." Wally asks, "How can you justify your ten million dollar salary when profits are down?" The president laughs and replies, "The board of directors are friends of mine and it's not their money they're spending." Dilbert asks, "Why does the company keep talking about employee training while at the same time slashing the training budget?" The president replies, "We think you're too dumb to train. We'll hire people from the outside if we need talent." Wally says, "I must say, your honesty is kind of refreshing." The president replies, "And you're all fired for asking questions."
Two government agents holding guns stand behind Dilbert while he works at his desk. One agent says, "Erase all the formulas for making your 'Happiness Potion' and we won't jail you." Dilbert says, "Okay, okay . . ." The agent says, "You citizens only have the right to PURSUE happiness - you're not allowed to BE happy." The other agent says, "Citizens need discomfort in order to be productive and fulfilled." Dilbert replies, "Then you'll love this . . ." Bob the Dinosaur reaches for the agent's underwear and thinks, "Wedgie."
A school teacher says to a classroom of children, "Dilbert has agreed to talk to the class about exciting careers in the field of engineering!" Dilbert says to the students, "There's more to being an engineer than just writing technical memos that nobody reads." Dilbert continues, "Once in a while, somebody reads one. Then you have to find a scapegoat, or use some vacation time and hope it all blows over."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me to dinner, Dilbert." Dilbert replies, "It's my pleas . . ." The woman interrupts, "I love eating out. What kind of tablecloth is this? I saw a movie last month." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . She's a serial yakker." The woman says, "Yak yak yak blah blah yak blah yak." Dilbert thinks, "She changes topics without even pausing to breathe." While the woman rambles, Dilbert thinks, "It's too hard to listen. I'm slipping into a coma." Dilbert grabs the tablecloth as he falls over in his chair. The waiter asks, "Is there a problem?" Dilbert lies on the floor. He says, "Run! Save yourself!" The woman starts talking again. The waiter panics and thinks, "Serial yakker!" The waiter falls on top of Dilbert and says, "Help me." Dilbert says, "Shhh! I'm trying to play dead."
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, ". . . And people who don't bother to vote have no right to complain." Dogbert asks, "Why not?" Dilbert replies, "Why not? It's obvious. No vote means no right to complain. You can't get much more logical than that." Dilbert says, "Besides, that's how I was raised." Dogbert asks, "You were raised by bumper stickers?"
Dilbert walks into a computer store called the "Electron Hut." Dilbert tells the salesman, "I'm looking for a p-connect adapter post." The clerk replies, "We don't have any." Dilbert points to the wall and says, "There's a whole shelf of them right behind you." The salesclerk replies, "They're only five cents apiece. I can't waste my time selling them." Dilbert says, "I'm the only customer in the store! Besides, why do you stock something you don't want to sell?" The clerk throws the posts at Dilbert's head and says, "Here! Take three! And stop wasting my time!" Dilbert kneels on the floor and picks up the posts. The salesman asks, "While you're here, have you seen our fine line of computers?"
Dilbert, who is wearing a bathrobe, says to Dogbert, "I'm feeling ill. I think I'll stay home today." Dogbert replies, "Great . . . Now you'll try to make me feel sorry for you so I'll wait on you all day. Well, that's a lousy thing to do to a friend." Dilbert says, "Gee, I'm sorry. Can I get you anything while I'm up?" Dogbert replies, "Tea with lemon. And some waffles."
Dilbert stands at a counter under a sign that says, "Dry cleaning while you wait." He hands the woman behind the counter some clothing. The clerk says, "We'll have it done in three days." Dilbert says, "The sign says 'while you wait.'" The woman asks, "Do you think you'll stop waiting after two days?"
The Boss sits at his desk reading a report while Dilbert stands waiting. The Boss says, "Good report, but change the word 'use' to 'utilize' in each case." The Boss continues, "Change 'help' to 'facilitate' and replace 'do' with 'implementation phase.'" The Boss continues, "Hmm . . . It's still a bit too readable." Dilbert replies, "I could reduce the type size and run it through the fax."
A woman approaches Dilbert and says, "So . . . Dilbert, welcome to the sales department. I'm Tina, your new boss." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Hi." Tina says, "As the new guy, you get the customers who despise our products and want to hurt us personally." A man climbs onto Dilbert's back and beats him on the head while yelling, "I hate you! I hate you!" Tina says, "You'll be selling to the small business market. He's your best account."