Change Once A Month Comic Strips - Page 52
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dilbert: once again, it seems you accomplished absolutely nothing this week wally: no on will tell me our company's strategy, so anything i did would be random flailing boss: a lack of strategy isn't keeping anyone else from working wally: but shouldn't it?
dilbert: you committed me to two different meetings at the same time in different states. it is not possible to be in two places at the same time wally: pfft! i could do it boss: even wally could do it
boss: this is the worst idea i have ever seen. dilbert: didn't you once tell me you spent all of your savings on a fake psychic? and the only prediction she got right was that you would lose all of your money? boss: she also predicted i would be unhappy.
boss: i just learned it's illegal to sell armed drones to private citizens. how many orders did we get since we started selling them this morning? dilbert: seventy million. boss: i'll look into bribing someone to change the law.
co-worker: why did you tell our pointy-haired boss we need to do more testing on the prototype? dilbert: i didn't do anything of the sort. co-worker: carl says you did. dilbert: who is a better authority on what i said - a guy who wasn't in the room or me? co-worker: good question. on one hand, carl is an idiot and a known liar. on the other hand, it is common for guilty people to say they are innocent. dilbert: what do innocent people say when you accuse them of stuff? co-worker: who knows? just do't do it again. dilbert under distress: i didn't do it once!!!
dogbert at laptop: now that i'm managing the cloud, it's time to make some social changes. i'll transfer any remaining money from low-income people to the rich. dilbert in bath robe: that feels wrong. dogbert: i'm just adding efficiently to the inevitable.
asok: a wise person once said you can't boil an egg with a stick. wally: no, but i can threaten you with a stick unless you boil an egg for me. asok: why didn't the wise person think of that? wally: he sounds overrated
new hire: i must leave you mental midgets behind as i go start up my own company. i was once dumb like all of you. then i started binge-watching ted talks, and i evolved. dilbert: what are you now? new hire: some kind of god, i assume.
dilbert with face mask: i need a quick decision on this, but i don't have time to compile the relevant facts. boss with face mask: without facts, i would just be guessing. dilbert: it won't affect your career average. boss: why wouldn't it? dilbert: let's change the subject.
dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone? dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.