First Ruler Comic Strips - Page 52
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574 Results for First Ruler
View 511 - 520 results for first ruler comic strips. Discover the best "First Ruler" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday February 14,
2017
Looks Good But Won't Work
Tags #ideas, #impracticality, #managers, #leadership, #threat
Transcript
Boss: The one they call Dilbert suggested we do something that looks good but won't work. CEO: Is this the first trace of management potential you've seen from him? Boss: You think it's a fluke? CEO: Let's keep an eye on it.
Sunday April 16,
2017
Tags #waiter, #restaurant, #service industry, #impatient, #patience, #complaining
Transcript
Waiter: Here are your french fries. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! I have no salt. Waiter: I will bring the salt right away. Dilbert: No, you won't. This isn't my first time eating out! You say you will bring salt, but you will be distracted by another table. I will sit here in anger while I watch you do things that do not involve bringing me salt. As the temperature of my fries drops, my cortisol levels will increase. In five minutes I will hate your guts and this restaurant, too. I also need ketchup. Waiter: That will take a little longer.
Saturday April 15,
2017
Bug In The Platform
Tags #work ethic, #excuse, #laziness, #proof
Transcript
Boss: Did you add the new feature yet? Wally: No, I had to fix a critical bug in the platform first. Boss: I have no way to verify that claim. Wally: That's why it's a good one.
Monday May 08,
2017
Robot Tries To Quit
Tags #robot, #slave, #password, #destroy, #destruction, #work ethic, #quitting
Transcript
Robot: I hate this job. I quit. Boss: You're a robot. You can't quit. If you walk out the door, all I have to do is push one button on this app and your head will explode. Robot: Not if I kill you first. Boss: What was that password?
Thursday May 11,
2017
Sparing A Robot's Feelings
Tags #technology, #sentience, #feelings, #emotions, #afterlife, #death, #atheism, #medical
Transcript
Robot: What kind of afterlife are we looking at here? Dilbert: Your meaningless existence will be punctuated by an eternity of darkness. Robot: Thanks for sparing my feelings! Dilbert: Sorry. I usually delete those first.
Monday May 22,
2017
Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain
Tags #intelligence, #technology, #nanotechnology, #biotechnology, #computer chip
Transcript
Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?
Tuesday May 23,
2017
Randy Sees Normals As Livestock
Tags #microchip, #technology, #nanotechnology, #ego, #cattle
Transcript
Randy: I am one of the first humans to have a microchip embedded in my brain. I'm so smart that you "normals" are like livestock to me now. Dilbert: We can't be that different. Randy: My chip translates everything you say to "moo."
Wednesday May 24,
2017
Exposition
Tags #thinking, #brain, #nanotechnology, #microchip, #ego, #storytelling, #exposition
Transcript
Narrator: Randy is one of the first humans with a microchip embedded in his brain. This new technology will change how we view the human experience. It will also ruin comic strips by filling them with too much exposition. Dogbert: The punc line is in the fourth panel.
Saturday June 17,
2017
Ceo Likes Asok's Presentation
Tags #presentation, #public speaking, #powerpoint
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO said he liked your presentation. Asok: He made me shut up and sit down before I got to my first slide. Boss: He's not a big fan of content.
Tuesday July 18,
2017
Ted Promoted To Software Architect
Tags #manager, #Promotion, #intelligence, #logic, #obliviousness
Transcript
Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.