Generic Self Help Comic Strips - Page 53

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534 Results for Generic Self Help

View 521 - 530 results for generic self help comic strips. Discover the best "Generic Self Help" comics from Dilbert.com.

How To Use Personality Profiles

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How To Use Personality Profiles  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #personality test, #personaity, #privacy, #memory, #forgetfulness, #absent mindedness

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Dilbert: We all took the Dogbert Personality Test, bu tit's not clear how we're supposed to use the information. I mean, how does it help me to know you're a forgetful moron who can't keep a secret? Boss: Who showed you my private test results? Dilbert: You did.

Unplugged Server

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Unplugged Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #server, #obliviousness, #cell phone, #phone, #charging, #technology

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Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?

Bad User Interface

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Bad User Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #user experience, #interface, #usability, #menu, #language

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Dilbert: Customers are complaining because our user interface is confusing. For example, our menu choice for deleting a file is labeled "save file." Boss: That's why we have a help menu. Dilbert: Our help menu is labeled "reformat hard drive."

Facial Recognition Software

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Facial Recognition Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #facial recognition, #stupid, #insult, #obliviousness, #prototype, #intelligence

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Dilbert: I'm designing a device that uses facial recognition to detect stupidity. I need your help creating the pattern-recognition algorithm. Boss: What do you need me to do? Dilbert: Look straight ahead and smile.

New Military Project

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New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #name, #weapon, #semantics, #language

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Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

Speaking Truth To Power

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Speaking Truth To Power - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ted, #the boss, #performance review, #perform, #power

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Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.

Looking In The Wrong Places

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Looking In The Wrong Places - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #couch, #co-worker, #wimp, #empathy, #wrong, #places

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Dilbert: I offered to help a co-worker, and she started delegating tasks to me like I'm her subordinate. Dogbert: Is the point of your boring story that your co-worker is a natural leader and you're a wimp. Dilbert: I was looking for some empathy. Dogbert: Is your point that you look for things in the wrong places?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #co-workers, #phone calls, #cubicle, #breaks, #flow, #Food, #smells, #break, #room, #pretending, #thermostat

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Dilbert: My co-workers make it impossible to work. I hear every one of their phone calls. It's maddening. When they walk past my cubicle it breaks my flow. And don't get me started about the food smells coming from the break room. They ask me one dumb question after another. I don't know who keeps turning up the thermostat. But it's too hot to think. The Boss: Would it help if I threaten to fire you? Dilbert: It's worth a try I'll be in my cubicle pretending to work.

Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work

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Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #carol, #Dilbert, #printer, #work, #priorities, #yammering

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Carol: I can't get the printer to work can you help? Dilbert: Sure, I'll be there as soon as I finish my twenty-seven tasks that are all higher priorities. Carol: How long will that take? Dilbert: I got three new tasks while you were here yammering.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #cost, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #ladder, #waste

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Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder? Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder. Boss: I do. Ten minutes earlier. Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.