Better Plans Comic Strips - Page 53
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563 Results for Better Plans
View 521 - 530 results for better plans comic strips. Discover the best "Better Plans" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday December 08,
2018
Horse Blinders
Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #work
Transcript
Dilbert: I added horse blinders to my noise-cancellation headphones. You tried to ruin my productivity by moving to an open office plan, but I have thwarted your evil ambitions. Boss: Experts say the open plan is better for communication. Dilbert: Are you talking? I can't tell.
Tuesday December 25,
2018
Illegal Plan
Tags #business ethics, #legal, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #suspicious
Transcript
Dilbert: Your plan doesn't sound legal.I'm not comfortable with it. Boss: We break the law all the time. It hasn't been a problem yet. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: What's your position on killing all witnesses?
Sunday January 06,
2019
Tags #argument, #boss, #complaining, #eating, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #sounds
Transcript
Boss: I need to talk to you about your apple-eating. Dilbert: My what? Boss: Every afternoon you eat an apple at your desk. Your co-workers are complaining because it's loud. They can't work with all of your crispy chewing noise. Dilbert: In my defense, my co-workers are so incompetent that the less work they do, the better off the company is. Boss: That is a surprisingly robust defense. I'll come back if I can think of a counter-argument. Dilbert: Good luck. Crunch.
Monday March 11,
2019
Marketing Lies
Tags #Dilbert, #boss, #headphones, #competition, #meeting, #marketing, #lies
Transcript
Dilbert: Our new headphones product is better than the competition in every way. Boss: Excellent. I'll get marketing involved to tell a bunch of lies about all of that. Dilbert: Why would they need to lie? Boss: They're kind of set in their ways.
Saturday March 30,
2019
Smart To Wait
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #technology, #proposal
Transcript
i approved your technology proposal. dilbert: i made that proposal six months ago. now everything has changed and it no longer makes sense. the boss: well, i guess i was smart to wait. dilbert: the less you do, the better.
Sunday March 31,
2019
Tags #conversation, #Food, #friends, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Man: I'm a foodie. Are you foodie too? Dilbert: I think of food as fuel. Man: But you enjoy eating good food, right? Dilbert: I try to avoid food that tastes good. That way, I won't overeat. I usually just check my plate for any stray bandages, and that's about it. If my food passes that test, I shovel it toward my mouth while reading stuff on my phone. Man: I don't think I can be your friend. Dilbert: That worked out better than I hoped.
Sunday April 07,
2019
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #relationships, #sarcasm
Transcript
tina: i don't appreciate the sarcastic text message you sent me. dilbert: that wasn't sarcastic. tina: yes, it was. dilbert: wouldn't i be a better authority than you about my own intentions? tina: only if i could trust you. but i can't trust you. dilbert: give me one good reason why you shouldn't trust me. tina: because you send sarcastic text messages. dilbert: um... tina: and here comes the mansplaining.
Wednesday April 10,
2019
Alice Won't Shake Hands
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #presentation, #germs
Transcript
the boss attempting a handshake: great job on the presentation. alice: i prefer to avoid contact with that festering germ colony you call a hand. the boss: okay. better safe than sorry. alice: and could you face backward when you talk to me?
Sunday April 14,
2019
Wally Plans His Retirement
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #retirement, #profit
Transcript
wally: the product i'm developing will be unprofitable for the first none years, but revenue will surge in the tenth. the boss: didn't you tell me you plan to retire in nine years? wally: maybe. the boss: you will be happily retired before we find out if profits really do surge in year ten. the boss: that makes everything you say sound suspicious. wally: numbers don't lie. the boss: who came up with the numbers? wally: that's all the time we have for questions.
Monday April 15,
2019
Potluck Celebration
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #potluck, #friday, #team, #celebration
Transcript
the boss in meeting: i scheduled a potluck to celebrate the team's success. dilbert: a potluck is more like a penalty than a celebration. dilbert: but i guess it's better than working. the boss: it starts at 8 pm on friday.