Help Request Line Comic Strips - Page 53

Search Filters

Year

Character

632 Results for Help Request Line

View 521 - 530 results for help request line comic strips. Discover the best "Help Request Line" comics from Dilbert.com.

Sunday August 11, 2013

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #frustration, #lawyers, #software, #license, #legal dept, #services, #email, #open source, #definsition, #forge signature, #software license, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.

Sunday November 10, 2013

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #sales personnel, #existing system, #ignorance us not an option, #survey

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'll need to know if your device is compatible with our existing system. Salesman: It is 100% compatible with your system. Dilbert: I didn't even tell you what system we have. Salesman: That doesn't matter. Dilbert: It sort of does. Salesman: Not to me. Dilbert: So you don't really know if it will work? Salesman: I'm entitled to my opinion. Dilbert: Ignorance is not an opinion!!! Salesman: Please stay on the line for a brief survey.

Wednesday October 30, 2013

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #eating & drinking, #engineers, #etiquette & ethics, #crone, #etiquette class, #fork, #teach things

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a desiccated crone to teach an etiquette class to you engineering heathens. She'll help you stop eating your business lunches like kidnap victims. Crone: When do you use this fork? Alice: When I'm too lazy to make a shiv?

Saturday January 25, 2014

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #frustration, #ignorance (knowledge), #project team, #forrest fire, #dropping baby, #analogy, #available people, #stop progress

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.

Monday March 24, 2014

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #conversation, #potato, #worlds worst conversationalist, #russet

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Did I tell you about the time I saw a potato? Asok: We are being assaulted by the world's worst conversationalist. Coworker: It was a russet! Asok: Help! Help! Help!

Monday March 31, 2014

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #analogies, #conversation, #language, #operational, #puppet ate dictionary, #operationalize strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What can I do to help you operationalize our strategy? Dilbert: You could stop talking like a puppet that ate a dictionary. Boss: I don't know how analogies work. Dilbert: I'm counting on that.

Friday April 18, 2014

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #conversation, #origin story, #company, #need, #various things, #clear, #boss, #request, #office, #request secretary, #write up story, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss; Tina, I need you to write a company "Origin Story." All the cool companies have them. Tina: Why? Boss: Why? Well, for starters, we need it for various things and so on. I don't think I can be any clearer. Tina: I don't think you can, either.

Monday June 30, 2014

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #frustration, #hypocrisy, #mandatory training, #no use, #meetings, #regulatory paperwork, #make a point, #productive

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You didn't accomplish anything this month. Dilbert: Sure I did. I did the mandatory training that has no use, attended your mandatory meetings that don't help, and filled out regulatory paperwork for things we don't do. Boss: Are you trying to make a point? Dilbert: Nope. Just being productive.

Sunday July 27, 2014

Thank you for voting.

Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Tags #work load, #complaints, #inexperinced, #exact opposite, #doesn't know much, #hired useless man, #bad attendence, #not perfect, #ask questions

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You complained about your work load, SO I hired an inexperienced guy to help. Dilbert: This is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Boss: He doesn't know much, But he makes up for it by asking lots of questions. Dilbert: So He'll be bugging me every minute? Boss: Not every minute. He takes a lot of sick days. Dilbert: So....you hired a guy who is useless, But its okay because he also has bad attendance? Boss: Its not a perfect world. Is this a good time to ask some questions?