Stop Customers Comic Strips - Page 53

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532 Results for Stop Customers

View 521 - 530 results for stop customers comic strips. Discover the best "Stop Customers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Best Employees

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Best Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2019's comic on:


Tags #big business, #confused, #employees, #customer service

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CEO: We have the best employees in the industry! Dilbert: Then why are we ranked last in customer satisfaction? CEO: I blame our customers. Wally: Why can't they be awesome like us?

Boss Negotiates With Elbonia

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Boss Negotiates With Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate

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Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?

Ron Moore

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Ron Moore - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #employees, #insults, #jokes, #mistake, #sales, #customers

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Ron: Hi, I'm Ron Moore. Dilbert: Heh-heh. That's funny, because if you say your last name first, you're a "Moore, Ron". Okay, now I get why you never take me on sales calls.

Thwarting Alice's Career

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Thwarting Alice's Career - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #mentor, #deny, #Promotion, #compete, #thwart, #career, #business

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alice: can you mentor me? boss: heck, no. you're only one promotion away from competing for my job. alice: well, maybe you could just stop thwarting my career? boss: no, same issue.

Nodding Approval

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Nodding Approval - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #co-workers, #nodding, #positive, #reinforcement, #repeat, #boring, #relationships

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dilbert: you have now made the same point nine times in a row while i sit here nodding. what will it take to make you stop repeating yourself? co-worker: you'll need to stop nodding in agreement. i'm addicted to positive reinforcement.

Loving Yourself

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Loving Yourself  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #philosophy, #self love, #evil, #ignorant, #selfish, #lazy, #love

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boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!

Facial Recognition

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 Facial Recognition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2020's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #sarcasm, #facial, #recognition, #identification, #social, #media, #history, #business, #office

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office worker: hi, i'm ... dilbert holding up stop hand: hold on. my facial recognition app has identified you and is now showing me your social media history. office worker: uh-oh. dilbert: it seems it would be unwise for me to touch your hand.

Dilbert Hates Safety

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Dilbert Hates Safety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #safety, #anger, #yelling, #statistics, #flaw, #authority, #health

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dilbert: your method of calculating the safety statistics is flawed. monkey man: wow. wait until i tell everyone you don't think safety matters. dilbert: i...didn't say that. i'm talking about the way you measured it. monkey man yelling: it's too late to walk it back now! dilbert: i'm not "walking it back." i'm clarifying. monkey man: there's nothing to clarify, you hate safety. dilbert yelling and waving arms: stop putting words in my mouth!! i'm a better authority on what i think than you are!!! boss in hallway: what was all that yelling about? monkey man: dilbert thinks safety doesn't matter.

Stopping Theft Everywhere

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Stopping Theft Everywhere - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2020's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #business, #technology, #system, #reduce, #theft, #dumb, #product

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dilbert: and by using this system, we will drastically reduce theft. co-worker: that's the dumbest think i have ever heard. no one can stop theft everywhere in the world. dilbert: i said we would reduce it, not eliminate it. and only for our own products. co-worker: so, in other words, it won't work. dilbert: it works to reduce theft. co-worker: but you admit there will be theft. dilbert standing and yelling: what is wrong with you???? co-worker: hey, i'm not the one who is in favor of theft.

Makeup Under Mask

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Makeup Under Mask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2020's comic on:


Tags #makeup, #masks, #offended, #office workers, #pandemic, #human resources

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Dilbert: Do you wear makeup under the mask where no one can see it? Or do you leave your snout area all pale and pimply? Tina: Stop imagining me unmasked. Dilbert: I'll report myself to human resources.