Ted Fired Comic Strips - Page 53

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545 Results for Ted Fired

View 521 - 530 results for ted fired comic strips. Discover the best "Ted Fired" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert And Monkeys

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Dilbert And Monkeys - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #work ethic, #engagement, #monkeys

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Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.

Complaining About Ted

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Complaining About Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #computer software, #engineering, #office, #office workers

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Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.

Dating A Unicorn

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Dating A Unicorn - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #dating, #office, #office workers, #unicorn

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ted: i hear you're dating a unicorn. dilbert: that is absurd and untrue. ted: then how do you explain the fact that five people told me it was true? ted: i mean, you'd have to believe all five of them are idiots. dilbert: including you, it's six.

Welcome Baskets

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Welcome Baskets - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #racism, #new employee

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alice, the boss and ask at table. the boss: i need a volunteer to assemble welcome baskets for our new hires. alice: i recommend ask the intern because obviously, it would be sexist to ask a women to do it. the boss: good point. ask, the project is yours. ted thinking: racist.

Two Step Reorg

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Two Step Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #reorganization

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the boss: i just got word that we're about to start a two-step reorg. the boss: in step one, we will centralize functions. then, in step two, we will realize it was a huge mistake and reorganize back to the old way. ted: why don't we just keep it the way it is? dilbert: first day?

Bad Planning

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Bad Planning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #teamwork, #team, #deadline

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ted: i need your help on my project today, or i'll miss my deadline. dilbert: are you trying to turn your lack of planning into my problem? ted: i was hoping you would be a team player. dilbert: i'm holding out for an offer from a better team.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #email, #office workers, #project manager, #office, #liar, #photoshop

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office worker: why are you telling everyone my project got canceled? dilbert: i never said anything like that. office worker: you're such a liar. i saw your email to ted. dilbert: if i show you that email right now, and it says nothing about your project... will you admit you were wrong and humbly apologize to me? office worker: i don't think i can commit to that. dilbert: well, anyway, here it is, and you can plainly see you were wrong. office worker: this looks photo-shopped. dilbert: i don't see a winning path for me here.

Various Anonymous Sources

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Various Anonymous Sources - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #elbonian, #office, #office workers, #spying, #yelling

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ted: i have heard from various anonymous sources that you are an elbonian spy. dilbert: that's ridiculous. who told you that? ted: i can't say dilbert: well, my anonymous sources say you are nuts. ted yelling: you can't believe anonymous sources!

Worthless Suggestions

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Worthless Suggestions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

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ted: i notice you didn't incorporate any of my suggestions in your final draft. ted: it's as if you are saying my ideas are worthless. dilbert: i would never say that. ted: so you're saying my ideas are good? dilbert: let's not reject ambiquity so quickly.

Winners Never Quit

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Winners Never Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #inspirational quotes

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the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time. the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win." dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay. the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.