Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 54

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1000 Results for Avoid Work

View 531 - 540 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rehab, work ethic, workaholic, laundry

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Wally: If I become a workaholic, will the company pay for rehab? Boss: What would workaholics rehab look like? Wally: I hope it involves getting paid while doing no work. Boss: That's what you do now. Wally: At rehab I think they do your laundry for you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company culture, culture, hiring, incompetence, work culture, good fit, stigma, cultural hires, wishes, rise above

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Larry: Hi, I'm Larry. I was hired because I'm a good cultural fit. I hope we can get past the stigma that cultural hires are incompetent. But I don't know how to do that. Alice: Maybe you could ask a competent person to help you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags incompetence, work culture, cultural fit, cultural incompetence, joking, new employee, introductions

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Boss: Dilbert, meet Larry. He isn't terribly competent, but he's a good cultural fit. Dilbert: Hi, Larry. Thanks for reinforcing our culture of incompetence. Larry: You're joking about the incompetence, right. Boss: Sure.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bird poop, cars, incentives, mass transit, punishment, worst employee of the month, special parking spot, big tree, every bird, firemans axe, wallow in shame, incentives dont work

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Boss: You've been named worst employee of the month. The honor comes with a special parking spot. It's under the big tree that every bird in the county uses as a restroom. By the end of the day, you'll need a fireman's axe just to find the door handle. As you chop your way toward the inner core that is your car, think about how you could have worked harder this month. You'll probably draw a crowd in the parking lot so remember to wallow in your shame. Wally: I take mass transit to work. Boss: Incentives don't work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anxiety, bad advice, projects, work load, freaking out, tackle, unpleasant tasks first, wrong order

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Dilbert: I have too many projects. I'm freaking out. Boss: Experts say you should tackle the most unpleasant tasks first, so you have a feeling of accomplishment and control. Dilbert: Now I have too many projects and some extra anxiety that I'm doing them in the wrong order. Boss: Off you go.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags emotional manipulation, executives, financial gain, leader, leaders, less unlikable, lonely job, manipulation, obliviousness, popularity

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CEO: Being a leader is a lonely job. Dilbert: Try being less of a #!@*. Then people might want to spend time with you. CEO: I don't see how that could work. Dilbert: Can we get back to manipulating my emotions for financial gain?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags optimism, work ethic, career advancement, asking advice, pet kangaroo, marry one, time lag, Promotion

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Dilbert: Research says that asking for advice doubles your odds of career advancement. Do you think I should get a pet kangaroo? Boss: I don't care if you marry one. Dilbert: I wonder how long the time lag is until my promotion.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, dangerously incompetent, last day of work, lazy, software, tell everyone, train, unwarranted confidence, engineering

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Coworker: This is my last day of work, so I won't have time to completely train you on the software. But I can show you enough to give you unwarranted confidence, when you should be feeling dangerously incompetent. Dilbert: That sounds worse than doing nothing. Coworker: Before I leave, I'll tell everyone you're lazy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags adequate, avoid contact, dance, pride, sing, you are lame, rhythm, happy

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Dilbert: Now, I give you the dance of the adequate. I am adequate, yes, I am. Oooh, so adequate. As long as I avoid contact with others. Dogbert: You are so lame!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, work ethic, human resources, feeling of inadequency, boost company profits, all weekedn, adequate temporary basis, business

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Catbert: My job in Human Resources is to instill in you a permanent feeling of inadequacy. Your only hope for feeling good about yourself is to work feverishly to boos company profits. If you work all weekend for free, I am willing to call you adequate on a temporary basis. Dilbert: I'll take it.