How To Comic Strips - Page 54
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1000 Results for How To
View 531 - 540 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday December 11,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), thinking, vet idea, incompetent, annoying, wrong
Transcript
Boss: Did you vet this idea with your peers? Dilbert: They hated it. They also say you're incompetent and annoying, so how much can we really trust their opinion? Boss: It does sound as if they're wrong a lot. Dilbert: Exactly.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday December 04,
2013
Tags fraternization, honesty, weekend, blanket, couch, bad tv, gym sock with hallitosis, smell
Transcript
Wally: How was your weekend? Alice: I wrapped myself in a blanket and stayed on the couch watching bad TV shows until I smelled like a gym sock with halitosis. Wally: I like how she makes me feel.
Saturday November 30,
2013
Tags complaining, cruelty, thinking, thought diversity, meeting, fad, business
Transcript
Boss: I'm looking for thought diversity in my hiring. That's a thing now. Alice: Really? That's a dumb thing. All you end up with is a bunch of people who can't agree. How do you like thought diversity now? Dilbert: That fad didn't last long.
Tuesday November 26,
2013
Tags employees, laziness, shortcuts, lazy, business
Transcript
Wally: Experts say lazy employees are the best because they know how to find shortcuts. Boss: So you found a lot of shortcuts? Wally: Me/ No. I'm not lazy. I'm useless. Boss: Then why did you bring it up? Wally: Why wouldn't I? I"m not lazy.
Tuesday November 19,
2013
Tags dating, engineers, engineer, excellent employment, potential, social skills, relationships, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: Hi. I'm an engineer. That means I have excellent employment potential and I can fix things around the house. Woman: How are your social skills? Dilbert: Wow. Look who wants the moon.
Wednesday November 06,
2013
Tags computer software, frustration, internet & world wide web, syoe, shut down, quit, drown it
Transcript
Alice: Okay, Skype. Let's see if I can figure out how to shut you down. Close! Quit! Sign out! Minimize! Quit! Yes! Close! Quit! Die! Die! Die! Dilbert: Did you close Skype. Alice: Almost. I'm heading to the ocean to drown it.
Sunday October 27,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), computer programmers, code, writing code, conspiracy theories
Transcript
Boss: I'd like to recognize Ted for writing his part of the code in just two days. Dilbert: How many days was it supposed to take? Boss: At least a week, I would think. Dilbert: Why would you think that? Boss: Because it was so hard to do. Dilbert: Who told you it was hard? Boss: Ted did. Dilbert: All he did was delete some lines from existing code and recompile it. Ted: It was hard. Boss: See! Wally: Do you have any more crazy conspiracy theories?
Saturday October 26,
2013
Tags conversation, ignorance (knowledge), futurists, know how, create entire universe, brown bag lunches, slurp
Transcript
Alice: Futurists say that someday humans will have the know-how to create an entire universe. Boss: Where would they put it? Alice: We should do these brown bag lunches less often.
Friday October 25,
2013
Tags fear, inventions, machinery, squeaky chair, cushion, posessed, robot leaks
Transcript
Robot: My chair is squeaky. How do I fix that? squeak squeak Alice: Die! And now your chair is oiled. Robot: Mostly the cushion.
Sunday October 13,
2013
Tags executives, flattery, happiness, underlings, achievemnets, warrants praise, under budget, head pat, boss, enjoys head pat, psychology
Transcript
CEO: I read an article that says leaders should acknowledge the achievements of their underlings. Have you done anything lately that warrants some praise? Boss: Well... I'm under budget because I forgot to staff one of our projects. CEO: Okay, I can work with that. Now I think I'm supposed to pat you on the head or something. Let's try that and see how we feel. Stop leaning in. Boss: Feels... so... good.


