Computer Software Comic Strips - Page 55
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870 Results for Computer Software
View 541 - 550 results for computer software comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Software" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 10,
2005
Tags create software, small investors, pick stocks, past trends, hubris, ignorance, testimonials
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"
Tuesday January 11,
2005
Tags stock - picking software, more feauture, make hair grow, bald guys, test on rat, butticks
Transcript
Dogbert: My stock-picking software needs more features. "I think I'll add a module that claims to make hair grow on bald guys. I'll first test it on a rat." Ratbert: "I feel a new one on my buttocks!" Dogbert: "That's all the proof I need."
Saturday January 15,
2005
Tags slow computer, uogarde, cost benefit analysis, vice president approval
Transcript
Dilbert: "My computer is too slow. I need to upgrade it." The Boss: "I need a cost benefit analysis including the cost of all alternatives, and vice president approval." Dilbert: "It was easier to get a second job and pay for the upgrade myself."
Saturday January 29,
2005
Tags broken promises, scammers, lies, vendor, salesman, telling lies, deadlines, software, few extras, unfinished features, engineering
Transcript
Vendor: We'll build your software with all the features you want plus a few extras. Dilbert: "Or maybe you'll start late and claim there's no way to do everything by the deadline." "Then you'll say that the unfinished features aren't important and you're losing money on the deal." Vendor: "I can't hear you."
Sunday March 13,
2005
Tags project caribou, new chip, prorc, muskrat project, project meerkat, names of projects, too similar
Transcript
"We need more staff for prject Cribou.' "No. You're thinking of project Caribbean." "Caribou is like project muskrat but with lower P.R.O.R.C." "P.R.O.R.C?" "Projected return on research capital." "Is muskrat the enterprise software project?" "Um... No... That would be project muskrat." "Cancel project musk ox, move the staff over to project zebra, delay panda and sdquirrel and give me a status report on probosics monkey." "We don't have any projects with those names." "How's that my fault?"
Thursday March 24,
2005
Tags software integration, coworkers, misundertsanding, abuse, insisting on defense, what i think, halluciante
Transcript
Tina: "How can you think that the software integration project is a waste of time??!" Dilbert: "I don't.' "But if history is my guide, you will abuse the next hour of my life by insisting that I defend your misunderstanding of what I think." Tina: "So why do you think it's a wast eof time?" Dilbert: "Do you mind if I work while yo uhallucinate?"
Saturday March 26,
2005
Tags hating software, integration project, hate it, simply mentioned, pros and cons, balanced anaysis, hatred
Transcript
The Boss: What's this I hear about you hating the software integration project? Dilbert: "I don't hate it. I simply mentioned both the pros and cons. People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred." The Boss: "How can you hate it so much???!!" Dilbert: "This is one of those days when it's hard to be me."
Saturday April 09,
2005
Tags no budget, no staff, wits and computer, wits, pencil
Transcript
Dilbert: "I might have no budget and no staff to help me on my project, but that doesn't matter." "Because all I need are my wits and my computer." The Boss: "My computer is too slow. I'm taking yours." Dilbert: "My wits and... this pencil." The boss: "Hey, isn't that my pencil?"
Friday April 22,
2005
Tags computer freeze, possible fixes, possible combination, no guaretntee, lazy
Transcript
Hello. My crashinbox computer keeps freezing up. "There are 25 possible fixes but they must be tried in every combination." "That's 625 things I'd have to try with no guarantee that any of it will work." "So you're saying you're lazy."
Sunday April 24,
2005
Tags emailed file, accomplishments, entire month, open the file, down load, browser, upgrade broswer, operating system, upagrde, software, hard disk, view of file, engineering
Transcript
"My accomplishement this month was opening a file that someone e-mailed." "That took an entire month?" "It wasn't that easy. I didn't have the right software to open the file." "I tried to download the viewer from the Internet but the Web site didn't support my browser." "And I couldn't upgrade my browser until I updated my operating system!" "That required me to upgrade all of my software, too." "My hard disk got maxed out, so I had to upgrade my computer and transfer all of the files." "So, then you got to view the file?" "Yeah...It was a funny one about a cat."


