Run Away Comic Strips - Page 55
626 Results for Run Away
View 541 - 550 results for run away comic strips. Discover the best "Run Away" comics from Dilbert.com.
Boss: Do you have a minute to answer an engineering question? My wife is out of town visiting her sister. She asked me to put up the holiday lights while she was gone. I hired a homeless guy to do it and he fell off the roof. What's the easiest way to get rid of the body before my wife comes home? Dilbert: Your question is disturbing, but I'm intrigued by the engineering part. Here's a design for a catapult you can build at home. And here's a satellite map showing the best flight path to a neighbor's pool. Did he die right away? Boss: No, just a broken leg.
CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.
Dilbert: I got kicked out of a North Elbonian labor camp for working too hard. It was the first time I had ever experienced meaningful work and I got carried away. Boss: And your name is...? Dilbert: Seriously? I was gone for one week!
Carol: It's your surgeon. He says he might have left something inside you. Boss: What??! A sponge? A scalpel? Carol: No... his watch. And... his car keys... and wallet. He says he used your torso to store his valuables while he went for a run. Boss: Meow! Carol: I'll ask about that.
Boss: We're replacing our outdated system of annual performance reviews. The new system is called Gramification. It's a hot new trend. Employees can win badges, ribbons, and awards for completing tasks. Dilbert: Can we opt for the cash value of those badges, ribbons, and awards? Boss: They don't have any cash value. Dilbert: Oh. Like garbage? Boss: No, not like garbage! Except in the narrow sense of having no functional, economic, or emotional value. Garbage is something you throw away. Dilbert: Hand me an award and watch carefully.
Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.
Wally: I thought you were on the run for hacking the government's databases. Dilbert: I was. But they forgot to reset their passwords, so I deleted my case file and gave myself a tax break. Wally: Did you get me anything? Dilbert: You're the new face on pennies.
Salesman vs. Engineer Dilbert: Can you offer us a discount? Salesman: I had something like that in mind, except instead of giving a discount, I would hit you with a chair and run away. Dilbert: Please don't do that. Salesman: Okay, but I'll have to charge you extra.
Alice: I'm working on a new facial expression to scare away the weak. Want to see it? Dilbert: No. Gaaa!!! Alice: That one means I'm too busy to talk. Dilbert: I said no! I said no! I said no!