Managers Comic Strips - Page 55

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

584 Results for Managers

View 541 - 550 results for managers comic strips. Discover the best "Managers " comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #too many managers, #aspect manager, #corproaret objective, #morale aspect, #bad coice, #dread

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: "We have too many managers, so I'm making you an aspect manager." "You'll be in charge of one aspect of a corporate objective." The Boss: "Please just fire me." CEO: "Your aspect will be morale."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new server, #condescending simple version, #full technical explination, #early covislaizations, #no concept of zero

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Tell me why you need a new server. and don't give me the condescending simple version for managers. I want a full technical explanation. Dilbert: Early civilizations had no concept of zero. The Boss: Go on.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unpaid vacation, #managers approval, #downsize work, #over staffed, #hug slef, #selfishness, #corporate greed, #nasty corporate men

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert and The Boss are meeting. Catbert says, "Let's offer employees unpaid vacation time, as long as their managers approve it." Catbert continues, "Then we'll downsize any work group that uses it, because it proves they're over-staffed." Catbert hugs himself and says, "Excuse me while I hug myself and purr." The Boss replies, "Take your time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pecking order, #fool, #stupid, #Dilbert, #coffee cup

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands in front of his manager's desk. The manager yells, "You fool! How could you be so stupid!" The Boss approaches Dilbert and yells, "You fool! How could you be so stupid!" Dilbert picks up his coffee mug and yells, "You stupid coffee mug!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #great idea, #ignorant and worthless, #manage budgets, #poorly conceived, #project managers, #pummel with fists

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok enters The Boss' office and says, "I thought of a great idea." Asok continues, "You could let the project managers manage their own budgets... What?" Asok starts to look scared. He says, "You're giving me a look. I must try to guess what it means." Asok continues, "We don't do things that way? If it were a good idea you'd already be doing it?" Asok clutches his tie in fear and continues, "My ideas are poorly conceived?! I can't see the big picture?" Asok jumps back and exclaims, "Gaaa!!! I am ignorant and worthless!!" Asok punches himself in the face and exclaims, "I must pummel myself with my own tiny fists!!" He cries, "Ow! Ow!" Afterwards, The Boss says to Catbert, "They're kinda self-managed now." Catbert responds, "Very evil: I purr in your general direction."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #donuts, #eat nit wit, #nitwit, #ogre, #poor guy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is meeting with two managers, an ogre and a nitwit. Dilbert says, "Our project team is composed of a nitwit, an ogre, and a #$&%!" The nitwit asks, "Which one of them is a nitwit?" The ogre raises his hand and says, "You didn't bring donuts. May I eat the nitwit?" Dilbert responds, "Yes." The nitwit says, "Poor guy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #integrate, #inventroy, #finance systems, #nitiwt, #ogre, #fired, #thirty years

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to integrate our sales database with our inventory and finance systems." The Boss continues, "The managers of those systems are a nitwit, an ogre, and a $#!&% respectively." The Boss continues, "And they know that two of them will be fired when it's complete." Dilbert responds, "I can get that done in thirty years."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #senior vice presdient, #cyrus, #virus, #infection, #managers, #old cronmies, #pointy haired pete

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "I'd like you to meet our new Senior Vice President, Cyrus The Virus." The Boss continues, "Like an infection, he will soon attack the managers in this company and replace us with his old cronies." The new Senior Vice President says into his cell phone, "Tell pointy-haired Pete to get over here right away."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers brain, #like pump, #prime it, #learns first, #form foundation, #future perceptions, #talking smack

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert and Dilbert watch The Boss who is in a coma at his desk. Catbert says, "A manager's brain is like a pump. If it becomes empty you must prime it." Catbert says to Dilbert, "Whatever he learns first will form the foundation for all of his future perceptions." Catbert points at Dilbert and says to The Boss, "This guy has been talking smack about you." The Boss begins to come to, saying, "Unh..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good manager, #hires samrter, #boss dumber, #ceo, #dumbest person, #bad managers, #doomed, #motivational meeting, #high five

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice, and Asok are in a meeting. The Boss explains, "A good manager hires people who are smarter than he is." Wally asks, "So... your boss is dumber than you?" Alice asks, "And your boss' boss is dumber yet?" Then, Dilbert says, "According to your theory, our CEO is the dumbest person in the company." Wally adds, "Unless all of you are bad managers." And Asok says, "Truly we are doomed either way." The Boss responds, "This concludes the motivational part of the meeting." Wally says to the Boss, "I'd give you a high five but I don't like to move."