Harvard Degree Over Cheeseburger Comic Strips - Page 55

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View 541 - 550 results for harvard degree over cheeseburger comic strips. Discover the best "Harvard Degree Over Cheeseburger" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags analysis, idea, suggestion, complaining, Advice, greed, science

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Dilbert says, "According to my analysis, all future ideas are already covered by over-general patents." Dilbert says, "Our best strategy is to get out of this business and become trademark infringement lawyers." The boss says, "I don't know how to be a lawyer." Catbert says, "That only matters if you take cases on a contingency basis."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags orders, job, elbonia, training, lonely, uncomfortable, business

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The Boss says, "I need you to go to Elbonia and do some hand-holding while they cut over to the new system." Dilbert says, "Because they?re incompitent?" The boss says, "And lonely." Dilbert says, "I'm not comfortable with this." Elbonian says, "Mud wine?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags career, mean, plans, murder, nervous, misunderstanding, hatred

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The Boss says, "Carol, I'd like to talk to you about your career goals." Carol says, "My career goal is to take over the department by tricking you into a fatal accident, then telling everyone you're just working from home." The boss says, "That's not right." Carol says, "So you're saying I should set my goals low?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags date, side effects, wings, flying, struggling, ridicule, criticism, offended

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Dilbert says, "My prescription meds have a side effect that made me grow wings." Dilbert says, "But I can turn it sexy by flying you over the city on this moonlit night." Dilbert says, "Seriously, how many appetizers did you have?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sitting, meeting, title, meaningless, proud, mean, cruel, deflated, orders, business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says ,"Employees are so important to me that our head of human resources will get a C-level title." Dogbert says, "Edna will be our CPO, or Chief People officer." Dogbert says ,"Take a seat over there by the chief artificial coffee creamer officer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags selling, failure, winning: models, product, options

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Asok says, "Our product comes with 27 moedels with over 9,000 options." Dilbert says, "Given my limited time to study the options, you have guaranteed that I will make a sub-optimal choice." Dilbert says, "Thanks for making me a failure." Asok says, Well it's not really "selling" if we both win."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags date, restaurant, rude, email, hitting on, interrupting

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Dilbert says, "You've made a number of innacurate statements during the course of this date." Dilbert says, "I don't want to break the romantic mood, so I'll send you an e-mail with links that you can review on your own time." The waiter says, "It sounds like you two are over. WOuld it hurt my tip if I take a run at her?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job, orders, leadership, idiocy, guessing, confusion, business

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The boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take over Carl's function." The boss says, "He's already gone, but Ted can train you." The boss says, "Ted was sometimes in the general vicinity when Carl did the function." a cloud says, "Doom" Ted says, "Try clicking the red...no, blue...no, red button." Beep ted says, "Ooh, okay. I didn't expect that." ted says, "Now you either have to erase all of the servers or activate the fire suppression system in the clean room." Dilbert says, "What if I click 'Cancel'?" Ted says, "That's what killed Carl." Ted says, "Anyway, that's all I know. The rest is just common sense."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, hiring, renaming, confusion, anger, business

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The boss says, "We're changing the name of our staffing group to 'Talent acquisition.'" the boss says, "This reflects our new focus on hiring only highly talented people." Dilbert says, "Doesn't that imply that your current employees are inferior to the ones you plan to hire?" The boss says , "Sort of." Dilbert says, "And since you routinely fire the worst performing employees..." Dilbert says, "you have just sealer our doom while expecting us to remain loyal to the company." Wally says, "now all I can thin k about are ways to vandalize the servers before I become homeless." The boss says, "I over-communicated again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, late, confused, yelling, stupidity, excuses, uncooperative, business

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Dilbert says, "Sorry I'm late. A truck turned over on the highway. What did I miss?" Man says, "We don't want to rehash the entire meeting." Dilbert says, "How about a quick summary?" Man says, "No, if we leave out any details, you'll think we made the wrong decision." Man says, "It's best for us if we keep you ignorant and angry." Dilbert says, "IF you marginalize me, I will become a nemesis to your project!" Man says, "I'm cool with that." Man says, "Sort of like a mascot?" Dilbert says, "A nemesis is not like a mascot!" Man says, "Maybe you could wear a giant squirrel costume."