Never Comic Strips - Page 55

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

627 Results for Never

View 541 - 550 results for never comic strips. Discover the best "Never" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robot Can Take Boss's Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Can Take Boss's Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, boss, work, ai, artificial intelligence, automation

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: I wonder whose job I'll take first. Boss: You could never do my job. Robot: I'm doing it right now. Boss: You're not doing anything. Robot: Right. Let that sink in.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Wally Is Late For Meetings

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Is Late For Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, tardy, tardiness, late, time

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm getting a lot of complaints about you being late for meetings. Wally: They never talk about anything important in the first ten minutes. Boss: They're usually talking about you being late. Wally: Why would I need to be there for that?

Pretending To Be Helpful

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insulting, coworkers, consultation, indirect, pretend, helpful, grammar, slide deck

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

Coworkers Who Are Special

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coworkers Who Are Special - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultation, insults, fired, pay, Advice, special, compliment

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert Consults Never call your co-worker a colossal moron, That could get you fired. Instead , say, "well, aren't you special" Dilbert: Are we paying you for this advice? Dogbert: well, aren't you special.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags headphones, borrow, ears, reluctant, smell forever

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: May I borrow your headphones while you're at lunch? Dilbert: would they touch your ears? WALLY: Yes. Dilbert:I reject your request. I don't want cooties on my headphones. Dilbert: Plus, you never return anything you borrow. Wally: Why would you care if my ears touch something you will neve see again? Lets meet halfway. I'll return the headphones, but they will smell of me forever. Dilbert: Then you might as well just keep them! It doesnt feel like he met me halfway.

Absurd Absolute

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Absurd Absolute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags software upgrade, idiot, absurd absolute, admit when wrong, eaten unicorn

View Transcript

Transcript

You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.

Sunk Costs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sunk Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, big business, logic, loss, deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The economics of the project have changed. We need to shut it down. Boss: If we stop now, the $10 million we already spent will be wasted. Dilbert: And if we stop later? Boss: The trick is to never finish the project.

Mothman Detects Energy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mothman Detects Energy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags workload, talking, socializing, conversation

View Transcript

Transcript

The Storytelling Mothman. Mothman: I detect the energy of an employee with a high workload. I'm here to tell you a long story that you think will never end. Alice: That is the last thing I need right now. Mothman: Do you know the history of the paper clip?

Show More Initiative

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Show More Initiative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, boss, criticism, encouragement, initiative, engagement

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You fool! That web page is not designed the way I would have done it! And I never would have explained it this way! Lastly, I want you to show more initiative. Dilbert: Are you still here?

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.