Never Comic Strips - Page 55

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627 Results for Never

View 541 - 550 results for never comic strips. Discover the best "Never" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robot Can Take Boss's Job

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Robot Can Take Boss's Job  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, boss, work, ai, artificial intelligence, automation

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Robot: I wonder whose job I'll take first. Boss: You could never do my job. Robot: I'm doing it right now. Boss: You're not doing anything. Robot: Right. Let that sink in.

Wally Is Late For Meetings

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Wally Is Late For Meetings  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, tardy, tardiness, late, time

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Boss: I'm getting a lot of complaints about you being late for meetings. Wally: They never talk about anything important in the first ten minutes. Boss: They're usually talking about you being late. Wally: Why would I need to be there for that?

Pretending To Be Helpful

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 Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insulting, coworkers, consultation, indirect, pretend, helpful, grammar, slide deck

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Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

Coworkers Who Are Special

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Coworkers Who Are Special  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultation, insults, fired, pay, Advice, special, compliment

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Dogbert Consults Never call your co-worker a colossal moron, That could get you fired. Instead , say, "well, aren't you special" Dilbert: Are we paying you for this advice? Dogbert: well, aren't you special.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags headphones, borrow, ears, reluctant, smell forever

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Wally: May I borrow your headphones while you're at lunch? Dilbert: would they touch your ears? WALLY: Yes. Dilbert:I reject your request. I don't want cooties on my headphones. Dilbert: Plus, you never return anything you borrow. Wally: Why would you care if my ears touch something you will neve see again? Lets meet halfway. I'll return the headphones, but they will smell of me forever. Dilbert: Then you might as well just keep them! It doesnt feel like he met me halfway.

Absurd Absolute

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 Absurd Absolute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags software upgrade, idiot, absurd absolute, admit when wrong, eaten unicorn

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You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.

Sunk Costs

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Sunk Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, big business, logic, loss, deception

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Dilbert: The economics of the project have changed. We need to shut it down. Boss: If we stop now, the $10 million we already spent will be wasted. Dilbert: And if we stop later? Boss: The trick is to never finish the project.

Mothman Detects Energy

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Mothman Detects Energy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags workload, talking, socializing, conversation

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The Storytelling Mothman. Mothman: I detect the energy of an employee with a high workload. I'm here to tell you a long story that you think will never end. Alice: That is the last thing I need right now. Mothman: Do you know the history of the paper clip?

Show More Initiative

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Show More Initiative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, boss, criticism, encouragement, initiative, engagement

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Boss: You fool! That web page is not designed the way I would have done it! And I never would have explained it this way! Lastly, I want you to show more initiative. Dilbert: Are you still here?

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses

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Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.