Smart Employees Comic Strips - Page 55

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653 Results for Smart Employees

View 541 - 550 results for smart employees comic strips. Discover the best "Smart Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Only Masochist Would Live Here

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Only Masochist Would Live Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment

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CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.

Ten Things We Look For In Employees

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Ten Things We Look For In Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #qualifications, #interview, #job interview, #outsmart

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Boss: We look for ten qualities when we hire. Man: Ten? I'm looking for an employer who knows how to set priorities. Boss: He was too good for us.

Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert

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Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #punishment, #cat, #throwing, #executives, #animals

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CEO: I love having a football-sized evil director of Human Resources. Now I can delegate from a distance. Catbert: I sense disgruntled employees in that direction! Launch! CEO: You'll have to walk after the first ten feet.

Employees Are Our Most Valuable Asset

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Employees Are Our Most Valuable Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #statement, #value, #motivation, #backfire, #praise

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Boss: People are our most valuable asset. Dilbert: I will remind you of that when I ask for a raise. Alice: Me, too. Boss; It blew up in my face.

Maybe We Should Make A Smartwatch

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Maybe We Should Make A Smartwatch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #innovation, #copy, #practicality, #practical, #pragmatic, #watch, #competition

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Boss: Maybe we should make a smart watch. Dilbert: Maybe it is far too late. Boss: Maybe we could make a better one than Apple. Dilbert: Maybe we should get in a sword fight and not have a sword. Boss: Am I missing anything by not listening to what you say? Dilbert: No, it's mostly for my own entertainment.

Doomed Smartwatch Project

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Doomed Smartwatch Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2015's comic on:


Tags #analogy, #obliviousness, #assignment, #technology, #invention, #watch, #failure

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Boss: You'll be in charge of our smart watch project. Dilbert: ...that is doomed from the start. Boss: Stop being such a pessimist. Dilbert: Said General Custer to his horse. Boss: Why would he talk to his horse? Dilbert: Because even the horse knew something was wrong!

Brainstorming App Ideas

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Brainstorming App Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #brainstorm, #idea, #thinking, #criticism, #judge, #judging, #technology, #invention, #judgment, #legal

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Dilbert: Today we will brainstorm app ideas for our smart watch. The only rule is "no judging." Wally: How about an app that makes you left-handed. Are you judging me now or were you being insincere before.

Click Rate On Death Alerts

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Click Rate On Death Alerts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #advertising, #technology, #analytics, #smart watch, #app, #ad, #click, #clickbait, #attention, #distraction

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Boss: Our health app accurately predicts the user's time of death and sends a five-minute warning. Our business model is paid advertising that we disguise as "death alerts." CEO: How's the click-through rate? Boss: Surprisingly low. It's hard to get people's attention these days.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #first impression, #culture, #interview, #job interview, #deception, #revenge, #nice, #niceness, #nice people, #business

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Job Interview. Boss; When I make hiring decisions, my biggest priority is cultural fit. Man: Your buzzwords are like music to my unemployed ears. And here come some employees who can tell me about your company culture. Boss: Uh-oh. Man: Hey, guys. Can I ask some questions about the culture here? Dilbert: Working here is like a paradise. Wally: Best place ever. Dilbert: Our days are full of laughter, hugging, and camaraderie. Wally: Coffee is free! Man: Wow. Thanks. I look forward to working here. Boss: ??? Dilbert: I didn't like that guy. Wally: I'm glad we got our revenge in advance.

Going Double Digital

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Going Double Digital - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2015's comic on:


Tags #attention, #distraction, #technology, #watch, #relationships, #dating, #smart phone, #smart watch

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Tina: I broke up with my boyfriend because we went double-digital. I got used to sharing time with his phone, bu the hasn't made eye contact since he unboxed his Apple watch. Dilbert: Ooh. Weather. Tina: Did you hear anything I just said?