Upside Down Nine Comic Strips - Page 55

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View 541 - 550 results for upside down nine comic strips. Discover the best "Upside Down Nine" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Compensation

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Ceo Compensation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, worth, salary, wages, fairness, fair, pay, expenses, saving, rich people, executives

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Dilbert: I just saw your net worth on the Internet. What's this meeting about anyway? CEO: It's about keeping expenses down. Dilbert: More for you? CEO: That's not the spin I was going to put on it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manager, work, results, observation, thinking, strategy, proof, evidence

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Wally: I did a huge amount of work this week. I created a matrix that compares all of our technology options. Boss: Can I see this alleged matrix? Wally: It's in my head. I didn't see a need to write it down. Boss: How would I know if you did it right? Wally: You're not an engineer, so you wouldn't know it was right even if you saw it. You tell me to "work smarter" but you get angry when I do. Boss: You're not allowed to do your work in your head! Wally: Which body part do you use?

Boss's Charisma Inspires Wally

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Boss's Charisma Inspires Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, text, texting, distraction, shout, diversion, charm, excitement, cheer

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Boss: (types on his phone). Wally: Go team! Can you turn down your charisma? I can barely sit still over here.

Alice's List

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Alice's List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags society, murder, violence, law, enemy, revenge, apocalypse

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Alice: Looks like I'll be adding this guy to my list. Dilbert: List? Alice: I keep a list of who to visit first when society breaks down and there is no rule of law. Dilbert: To build alliances? Alice: That's the sort of optimism that gets you killed in the first hour.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, complaining, problems, salutation, sincerity, insincere, questioning, business

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Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sexism, sexist, misogyny, conversation, talking

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Alice: You give Wally your full attention when he talks, but not me. You hang on every word the man says. But if I try to talk, you act distracted in five seconds. Wally gets more eye contact, too. You don't even look at me half the time I'm talking. Deep down, in your DNA, you know you are a sexist because you don't take me seriously when I speak to you. There is no other explanation, so don't insult me by trying. Dilbert: I give both of you the same amount of attention, but you spread it over more words. Alice: I hate both of you. Dilbert: Did I play that wrong? Wally: Yup.

Being More Honest

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Being More Honest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marketing, advertising, honesty, cover-up, performance, shortcoming, business

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Dilbert: My tests show we underperform our competition on nine out of eleven dimensions. Boss: Give the two good ones to Marketing. We can't be more honest than that. Dilbert: I'm almost certain we can. Boss: No, we really can't.

Wally Heads Up Ai Project

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Wally Heads Up Ai Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, project, fake

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Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.

Boss Freestyles With Jargon

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Boss Freestyles With Jargon - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags language, jargon, managers, leadership, nonsense, gibberish

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Boss: I forgot to make an agenda for this meeting, so I'll just freestyle it with jargon. Let's do a deep dive in the big data and drill down until we hyperlocalize some disruptive technologies. That's enough leadership. Now the rest of you need something to do.

Estimating Finish Times

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Estimating Finish Times - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags website, internet, developer, code, coding, deadline, time, deception, lying, technology

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Boss: I'm having trouble managing our web developer because I don't know how long things are supposed to take. Does it really take nine months to change the font on the home page? Developer: How much do I owe you? Dilbert: Tell him my project normally takes two years.