Stop Watch Comic Strips - Page 56

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610 Results for Stop Watch

View 551 - 560 results for stop watch comic strips. Discover the best "Stop Watch" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Comes To Work Sick

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Boss Comes To Work Sick  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #sick days, #medical

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Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.

Elbonian Ninjas

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Elbonian Ninjas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #controversy, #offense, #offensive, #threat, #murder, #ninja, #optimism

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Boss: The sales video you made for our Elbonian market is causing a public relations crisis. Their government has ordered Elbonian ninjas to kill you in your sleep. Dilbert: In my sleep? The best way to die! Boss: Stop confusing my bad news with your good news.

Speaking Truth To Power

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Speaking Truth To Power - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ted, #the boss, #performance review, #perform, #power

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Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.

Dogbert The Insultant

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Dogbert The Insultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #business, #insultant, #journal, #week, #fat, #stupid, #question, #list

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Dogbert the business insultant. Dogbert: Make a journal of everything you do for a week. Then stop doing everything that is on your list because it's making you fat and stupid. The Boss: I have some questions. Dogbert: Add "asks questions" to your list.

Yelling At Tina

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Yelling At Tina - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #tina, #information, #requested, #disappointment, #normal, #tone, #voice, #yelling

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The Boss: Tina says you yelled at her for not having the information you requested. Incorrect. I expressed my disappointment with a normal tone of voice. The Boss: Stop yelling at me!!! Dilbert: I no longer know what "yelling" means.

Boss Email Password

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Boss Email Password - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #competition, #email, #obliviousness, #security, #strategy

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Boss: We need to find out who leaked our strategy to our competition. Alice: Is your email password still 123? Boss: Stop changing the subject.

Ai Can Control Minds

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Ai Can Control Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #control, #intelligence, #office workers, #robot, #technology, #humans

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Man: We've developed an A.I. with such strong persuasion skills it can control human minds. Dilbert: Obviously, we have to stop the project and destroy all of the code to prevent it from spreading. Man: The A.I. says I need to ignore you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

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Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

Fetching Coffee

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Fetching Coffee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elderly, #engineering, #men and women, #office workers

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Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #construction, #inventions, #nature, #technology, #trees

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Dilbert: I invented a cost-effective product to harvest CO2 from the air and turn it into construction material. Asok: So...you invented a tree? Dilbert: What? Asok: Trees take CO2 from the air and turn it into wood. Your invention will compete with plants and trees for necessary CO2. It seems you have doomed all life on Earth. Dilbert: Not if people act rationally and stop removing the CO2 when...wait... You're right. I doomed the planet. Boss: I'll be dead by then, so ship it.