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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project staus, budget cuts, new prodcut, user interface, target market, too shy, bad sign, no laws, do for living

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Project Status: Dilbert is giving a presentation. He points to the overhead projection. He says, "Due to budget cuts, our new product will have no user interface." The projection shows a blank computer monitor. Dilbert continues, "Our target market is people who are too shy to return products." The projection is of a person blushing. Dilbert comes home carrying his brief case. He says to Dogbert, "Is it a bad sign if you spend the day wondering why there are no laws against what you do for a living?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags email chain letter, will die, curse of dogbert, certain death, curse, turns into dogs

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Asok is sitting at his computer terminal and thinks, "Oh no! I got an e-mail chain letter. It says I'll die if I don't send it to ten more people." Asok thinks, "But if I forward the message, the Curse of Dogbert will be upon me." Asok looks like Dogbert, as do Alice and Wally (dog ears and dog nose). Asok says, "...So, I figured a curse is better than certain death, right?" Wally says, "Spank you very much." Alice puts her hands on her hips and looks angry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hidden qaulities, act humble, deitful, manipulative, hypocritical braggart, funny world

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Dilbert is jogging. He says, "I believe its what's inside a person that counts." Dogbert says, "How can you get respect for hidden qualities?" Dilbert says, "You have to act humble while generating as many clues as possible." Dogbert says, "So, you recommend being a deceitful, manipulative, hypocritical braggart." Dilbert says, "It's a funny world." They both sit on a large rock (boulder).

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags happy birthday alice, gift, charity money, team spitit, ash tray, dont smoke, ashtray as gift

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Alice and Dilbert sit at a table. Wally stands at the table. Wally says, "Happy Birthday Alice!" Dilbert gives Alice a gift. Wally says, "I was planning to get a gift..." Wally continues, "But then I thought...". Alice takes the gift from Dilbert. Wally says, "Why not give the money to a charity in Alice's name?" Alice asks, "Really? Which charity?" Wally says, "Ummm...'The United Society of Poor People with Major Health Problems'." Alice opens Dilbert's gift. Alice says, "...And Dilbert got me an ashtray even though I don't smoke." Dilbert says, "You don't?" Wally and Dilbert sit at the table. Alice's seat is empty. Alice has left her gift on the table. Wally says, "They say this sort of thing builds team spirit." Dilbert says, "It must be gradual."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags info meerical, invest savings, sell educational info, avoid scams, phase two

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Dilbert sits at his computer, hand on the mouse. Dogbert stands on the desk and says, "I'm going to make an infomercial." Dogbert starts wagging his tail and says, "I'm targeting the people who want to invest their savings, but don't know how." Dilbert says, "I hope you plan to sell educational information about how to avoid scams." Dogbert says, "Good idea for phase two!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil hr diretor, company's goal, double efficiency, downsize, marketing, good at math, business

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Catbert says, "The company's goal is to double the efficiency of all employees." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: If we double our efficiency, won't you downsize half of us?" Alice and Wally sit on either side of him. Catbert says, "Don't talk to anyone in marketing. They aren't so good at math."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogbert the supermodel, lingerie shoot, short round guy, black socks, ice

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The ugly lady with the fashionably outdated glasses is wearing a toga and sandals. She hands Dogbert a pair of black dress socks and says, "Your first assignment is a lingerie shoot. You'll be wearing black socks." Dogbert has a lump of silly putty on his head as a 'beauty tumor.' The woman says, "There's nothing sexier than a short round guy in black socks." Dogbert sits on a table or block. Dogbert, wearing the dress socks, looks at himself in a hand mirror and wags his tail. He says, "Wow! This works!" Heat is rising off the ugly woman and she says, "Quick! Get me a big block of ice to sit on!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags clothes defective, going to kitchen, maintain discipline, telecommute, throry, wearing work clothes, clothes

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer and says, "I'm wearing work clothes while I telecomute, to maintain discipline." Dobgert stands behind him and says, "Is it working?" Dilbert gets up and walks to the kitchen and says, "I'll test the theory by seeing if my clothes stop me from going to the kitchen." Dilbert sits at the kitchen table holding a sandwich. The table is covered with food: potato chips, fruit, soda, pickles, etc. He says, "Apparently my clothes are defective. Dogbert says, "Haven't I been saying that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags self employed, invent valuable things, exploit them, resource, bad input, Dogbert

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the kitchen table and enjoy a cup of coffee together. Dilbert says, "I'm thinking of quitting and working for myself." Dogbert says, "Come work for me." Dilbert says, "Doing what?" Dogbert says, "You'll invent things and I'll exploit you... I mean them." Dilbert says, "I'm not sure you'd be the best boss, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Don't give me that input you 'resource.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deputy of common sense, apply swift justice, lack of common sense, chocolate gun, irony

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Dilbert is working at his computer and Dogbert stands next to him wearing a policeman's hat, belt and holster. He says, 'I appointed myself Deputy of Common Sense." Dogbert waves a revolver pistol and says, "I will apply swift justice to those who exhibit a lack of common sense." Dilbert asks, "So, swift justice for people who aren't too swift." Dogbert says, "And I'm using a chocolate gun for irony."