Better Products Comic Strips - Page 56
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631 Results for Better Products
View 551 - 560 results for better products comic strips. Discover the best "Better Products" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday July 15,
2016
Just What She Thought
Tags #cell phone, #distraction, #technology, #conversation, #social interaction, #antisocial
Transcript
Woman: I'd better check this. It's just what I thought. Dilbert: What did you think? Woman: I thought I would enjoy my phone more than talking to you.
Sunday July 24,
2016
Tags #capitalism, #big business, #competition, #benefit
Transcript
CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.
Tuesday August 02,
2016
Addictive Apps
Tags #technology, #app, #zombie, #mindlessness, #cell phone, #marketing, #business
Transcript
Boss: Our plan is to use design psychology to make our apps more addictive. Ideally, we want to strip people of their free will and turn them into mindless upgrading zombies. Dilbert: I'd feel better if we called that "marketing." Boss: I need you to be more mindless, too.
Thursday August 18,
2016
Wally Pays It Not Forward
Tags #philosophy, #life lesson, #gratitude
Transcript
Asok: Do you have a philosophy for life? Wally: I try to make the world a better place. Have you heard the phrase, "Pay it forward?" Asok: Yes. Wally: I'm the end of the line for that sequence of events. It saves the rest of you a lot of work.
Wednesday August 24,
2016
Dogbert's Particle Accelerator
Tags #scheme, #plan, #deception, #trick, #science, #invention
Transcript
Dogbert: I built a particle accelerator in the basement. Dilbert: Sounds expensive. Dogbert: Not if you use cardboard. My plan is to say I discovered one new particle per week. When scientists fail to confirm my discoveries, I will say they need better accelerators.
Sunday September 18,
2016
Tags #executives, #robot, #technology, #fairness, #unfair, #golden parachute, #oblivioiusness
Transcript
CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.
Saturday September 24,
2016
P Ity The Windowless
Tags #cubicle, #office, #office workers, #location, #window, #ego, #superiority
Transcript
Tina: Do you think you're better than me just because you have a cubicle with a window? Wally: Yes. Continuous exposure to new stimuli makes my brain create useful pathways and connections. Tina: I did not see that coming. Wally: I pity the windowless.
Sunday October 09,
2016
Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.
Thursday September 29,
2016
Bribing Wally
Tags #bribe, #morals, #laziness, #work ethic
Transcript
Wally: I don't have time to help. Coworker: What if I bribe you to do your job? I am literally offering to give you my personal money to do the job your employer pays you to do. Wally: Are you willing to turn a blind eye to my total lack of effort, or should I find a better briber?
Friday October 28,
2016
Men Who Do The Driving
Tags #dating, #driving, #Men, #conversation, #relationships
Transcript
Woman: I like a man who always offers to do the driving on dates? Dilbert: Like Uber? Woman: But less expensive, and no waiting. Dilbert; So you're saying I'm better than Uber? Woman: You would be if you didn't talk.