Co Workers Comic Strips - Page 56

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563 Results for Co Workers

View 551 - 560 results for co-workers comic strips. Discover the best "Co Workers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Murders Robots

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Dilbert Murders Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #business, #robot, #technology, #human resources, #bad behavior, #reboot, #murder, #plot, #erase

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dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.

The Best Way To Succeed

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The Best Way To Succeed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #success, #delegate

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boss: the best way to succeed in this world is through hard work dilbert: is that the way you did it? boss: no, i used the second-best way dilbert: which is... boss: making other people work hard

Workflow Training

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Workflow Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #system, #technology, #training, #new

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boss: has everyone taken the new workflow system training? alice: yes, and we all concluded the new system is poorly designed and should be abandoned. boss: sounds like you need more training. alice: i meant to say we love the new system

Not Humanly Possible

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Not Humanly Possible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #budget, #workflow, #procedure, #impossible, #useful

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boss: i can't approve your budget because you didn't follow the seventeen-step workflow procedure. dilbert: it is not humanly possible to follow the company workflow procedure and also accomplish anything useful. boss: would it help if i add a few steps? dilbert: yes, if you have to go back to your office to do it.

Stay Home When Sick

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Stay Home When Sick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #office workers, #healthy, #sick, #sneeze, #infect, #deadlines

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dilbert: maybe you should stay home when you are sick. alice sneezing: honk! i will, but first i need to infect the rest of you so i'm not the only one missing deadlines. can you hold this for me? (passes off tissue to dilbert)

Help Me With Something

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Help Me With Something - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #compensation, #system, #incentive, #budget, #limit, #smart, #business

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male office worker: can you help me with something? dilbert: no, our employee compensation system incentivizes me to let you fail so i can lay claim to a larger share of our limited budget for raises. maybe you could ask someone who is less aware. office worker: none of them are smart enough to help.

Conference Call

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Conference Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #office workers, #business, #conference call, #meeting, #useful, #don't care

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wally: how did your conference call go? dilbert: normal. it took us twenty minutes to get everyone connected, followed by forty minutes of garbled speech that no one understood. the meeting ended when everyone got tired of pretending something useful was happening. wally: i didn't really care.

What Winning Feels Like

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What Winning Feels Like - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #regression, #analysis, #failure, #business, #common

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dilbert: i did a regression analysis to find out which variables are common to all of our failures. wally: it's me isn't it? dilbert pointing to boss: no, it's him. wally: is this what winning feels like?

Searching On A Phone

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Searching On A Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #communication, #phone, #protocol, #task, #rude, #technology, #insult, #fake

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tina: i have something funny to show you. just give me a minute to find it on my phone. dilbert thinking: what's the protocol in this situation? should i just sit here and stare at her pawing at her phone? i can't talk because she's focused on her task. and it would be rude to walk away. would it be an insult to look at my own phone and mentally check out from this useless interaction? tina: ah! i found it! dilbert: okay, good. tina: wait, that's not the right one. dilbert: is this why people fake their own deaths?

Tina Enters Coma

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Tina Enters Coma - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #office workers, #business, #technology, #write, #body, #language, #read

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tina the tech writer tina: in simple terms, tell me how the technology works, so i can write about it. one hour later dilbert pointing to flow chart: and that's how it all...uh-oh. if i am reading your body language correctly, you're saying i could have shortened that. continued...