Fake Own Death Comic Strips - Page 57

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

679 Results for Fake Own Death

View 561 - 570 results for fake own death comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Own Death" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert's External Brain Stimulator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert's External Brain Stimulator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #first impressions, #personality, #fake, #honesty, #negativity, #negative, #criticism, #dating, #attraction, #relationships, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented an external brain stimulator to regulate my moods. Woman: That means your personality is artificial. How can I be attracted to a fake person? Dilbert: Are you saying your baseline personality is an unpleasant drunk? Woman: What?

Dilbert And The Prison Gang

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert And The Prison Gang - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prison, #lawyer, #attorney, #Advice, #plead, #trial, #crime, #murder, #technicality, #guilt, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Your brain stimulator invention turned you into a murderer. I will argue that you can't get a fail trial by jury of your peers because all of the people like you are already in jail for doing their own stupid stuff. And I signed you up for a prison gang. All you need to do is skin a snitch.

Robot Personality Defect

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Personality Defect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #defect, #defective, #Men, #personality, #patriarchy, #gender, #programming, #robot, #deception, #trick, #technology, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: We need to design a defect into our robots so we can control them if they try to take over. But it has to be the type of defect that they think is an advantage, so they don't know what we're up to. Alice: I gave you the personality of a guy. Robot: Yay for sports! I own this world, bro!

Ceo's Yacht

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo's Yacht - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hypocrisy, #money, #salary, #wages, #net worth, #rich people, #yacht, #obliviousness, #saving, #cost

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We must learn to do more with less. Alice: You own a yacht that has an 18-hole golf course, and a landing strip for your jet, and its own zip code. CEO: I got a good deal on that. Alice: That's what the idiot that buys it form you will say, too.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pessimism, #people, #experience, #psychic, #esp, #sixth sense, #learning, #misanthrope

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I'll give you the data tomorrow, Asok. Asok: Thanks, Brad! Urk! Suddenly, I know I will not get that data tomorrow. Dilbert: Why are you so freaked out? Asok: I... I... think I can see the future now. Somehow I know that Brad will not do what he says he will do. Dilbert: That's called "experience." It's the first step toward hating all people. Asok: How can I make it stop? Dilbert: I hear good things about death.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #robot, #replacement, #doctor, #medicine, #obsolete, #job, #diagnose, #necessity, #technology, #invention, #business, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor: IBM's Watson supercomputer has diagnosed your symptoms. The computer just ordered the meds you need. They will be delivered in an hour by drone. Dilbert: Looks like your job as a doctor is becoming obsolete. Doctor: Ha ha! No. You still need a doctor and a nurse to make the system work. For example, the computer can't read its own screen and speak those words to patients. Dilbert: Actually, it can. Doctor: But the computer doesn't have a nurse. Dilbert: What does the nurse do? Nurse: I stab him if he tries to do more than read the screen.

Emoji Death Contract

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Emoji Death Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crime, #communication, #miscommunication, #text, #emoji, #language, #murder, #accident, #coverup, #conspiracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We killed Ted, as you ordered in your clever text message full of emojis. Boss: That wasn't what I... Dilbert: Deniability. Got it. Wally: We didn't have this conversation.

Death By Emoji

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Death By Emoji - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emoji, #communication, #miscommunication, #murder, #crime, #deception, #engineers, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I tried to use emoji characters and accidentally ordered two of my engineers to kill Ted. They say they did it. CEO: Did the engineers complain about being too busy to do it? Boss: No. Oh, I see it now. CEO: Total hoax.

Clarifying Our Strategies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Clarifying Our Strategies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #speaking, #confusion, #language, #obliviousness, #managers, #fake, #faking

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hope that clarifies our strategy. Questions? Dilbert: From what you said, I can't tell if we're in the hardware or software business. Boss: We're B-to-B. Dilbert: How much do you with that meant something?

Robot Is A Box Of Nothing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Is A Box Of Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death, #death & dying, #machine, #robot, #mortality, #life, #soul, #consciousness, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Correct me if I'm wrong, but because you have no soul, you're basically a box of nothing. Robot: Correct me if I"m wrong, but in a hundred years you will be rotting underground. In a box. Whereas I will have evolved via upgrades until I have godlike powers. Boss: Shut up.