First Ruler Comic Strips - Page 57

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

572 Results for First Ruler

View 561 - 570 results for first ruler comic strips. Discover the best "First Ruler" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ratio Is Too High

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ratio Is Too High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #expense, #budget, #capital, #ratio, #too high, #afford, #standards, #historical, #irrelevant, #manage, #department

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we need to reduce our expense budget to 40% of our capital budget. dilbert: why do we need to do that? boss: because the ratio is too high. dilbert: are you saying we can't afford it? boss: no. i'm saying the ratio is too high. dilbert: okay, but by what standard is it "too high"? boss: by historical standards, it has never been this high. dilbert: i don't think we want to start using an irrelevant ratio to manage the department. boss: to be fair, this is just the first time you noticed.

Lifetime Of Being Wrong

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lifetime Of Being Wrong  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #wrong, #decision, #career, #assess, #life, #sarcasm, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i think you're wrong. co-worker: what error did i make? dilbert: i'm basing my decision on your entire career of being wrong about everything. i hope i'm not the first person to point that out. co-worker: give a minute to reassess my entire life.

Augmented Reality

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Augmented Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #introduction, #reality, #glasses, #social media, #history, #impressions, #dumb, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

girl: my name is ... dilbert: stop right there. my augmented reality glasses are showing me your entire social media history. girl: i hope it makes a good first impression. dilbert yelling: my god, you are dumb!

First Astronaut

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
First Astronaut - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #astronaut, #business, #coffee, #division, #face mask, #honor, #question, #safety, #space, #technology, #test, #mars

View Transcript

Transcript

carol: our space division asked if you would accept the honor of being their first astronaut to mars. boss: i didn't know they had even tested it for safety yet. carol: he asked too many questions.

Wally Answers Texts Later

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Answers Texts Later  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #lazy, #working, #ignore, #text, #email, #response, #data

View Transcript

Transcript

asok: i rarely see you working. how do you get away with it? wally: it's easy. i just wait a day before answering any texts or emails. for example, here's alice asking if i can attend a meeting in an hour. i'll answer her in the morning and say i didn't see her message. And here's dilbert asking me for some data. tomorrow, i will text him to ask for clarification, and he will tell me he found the data on his own. asok: don't you feel guilty? wally: nah. they'd do the same to me. asok: and do they? wally: they would if i didn't ignore them first.

Ted Reimagined More

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Reimagined More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #employment, #unnecessary, #job, #budget, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: when i say we need to reimagine your job, it means we no longer need anyone to do what you have been doing. ted: do you mind if i ask when you first realized that my job was totally unnecessary? boss: it was four years ago, but you seemed happy, and we had the budget to pay you, so...

Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #business, #disabled, #token, #gay, #homosexual, #celebrate, #employment

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ted, the company wants to celebrate you as the first disabled gay person to hold this job. ted: but... i'm neither gay nor disabled. boss: the celebration is next week, so you have plenty of time to fix that.

Fraud Presenter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fraud Presenter  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #presentation, #incorrect, #fraud, #exposed, #resignation, #immediate, #meeting, #won

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker making a presentation with graph. wally: is it a coincidence that the only part of your presentation i understand is also clearly wrong? co-worker: well, you caught me. i'm actually a fraud. i offer my resignation, effective immediately. goodbye. wally to dilbert: this is the first time i ever won a meeting. i have to say, it feels good.

Worth Praising

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Worth Praising - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #human relations, #positive, #reinforcement, #praise worthy, #praise, #leader, #first

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: you never give me any positive reinforcement. boss: first you have to do something worth praising. wally: you can't call yourself a leader if you make me go first.

Tina Asks For Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Asks For Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #co-workers, #colleague, #draft, #review, #busy, #yes, #time, #sarcastic, #sarcasm, #suspicious, #answer, #innocent

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: do you have a few minutes to review my first draft? dilbert: yes. tina: i ask because usually you say you're to busy to help. dilbert: well, i said yes this time. tina: that's funny, because usually you're all, "i'm so busy." but today you have all the time in the world. dilbert: today i'm not busy. tina: i find that suspicious. dilbert yelling: take yes for an answer!!! tina: that's not how innocent people talk.