Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 57

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1000 Results for Avoid Work

View 561 - 570 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obstinacy, prove wrong, never work, reflex, worst idea, last day of life, jump off roof

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Jeff had to prove everyone wrong. That will never work. It was like a reflex. He couldn't stop. That's the worst idea I have ever heard. This was his last day of life. Alice: You can't jump off the roof right now. Jeff: Uh-oh.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chocolate, obliviousness, dark chocolate, brain works better, magical thinking, fad chasing, eating, three pounds

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Boss: I ate three pounds of dark chocolate and it made my brain work better. Now I realize that everything I've done in my career up to this point has been magical thinking and fad-chasing. What should I do? Catbert: Stop eating chocolate.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, work ethic, huge losses, stock up, big raise, similar system, lowering expectations, employee of the year, job perfromance

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Wally: We announced huge losses, but analysts thought it would be even worse, so our stock went up. I'm using a similar system to get a big raise. For years I've been lowering everyone's expectations of my performance. Next I'll... I made a phone call today. Boss: Employee of the year!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criminals, office workers, work ethic, cesspool, horrible office conditions, better choices, career criminal

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Dilbert: What's your son doing here? Coworker: Today is 'Bring Your Kid To The Cesspool Day." The idea is to show kids how horrible it is to work in an office. That way, they can make better choices and avoid a life like ours. Dilbert: Just out of curiosity, who told you this is "Bring Your Kid To The Cesspool Day?" Coworker: Wally. Oh. Child: I've decided to become a career criminal. Dilbert: Good luck with all of that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags art education, engineers, inventions, humans do cretaive, robots, technology work, liberal arts majors, origami, game

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Robot: Someday robots will do all of the technology work and humans will only do creative jobs. If you engineers work hard, someday the spoils will go to the liberal arts majors who partied while you studied. I hear good things about origami. It's not too late to get into that game.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags disciplines, horns, injected, magic, spell remover, tail, work ethic, performance enhancing, drugs, boss injected

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Dilbert: Our boss injected me with job performance enhancing drugs. Wally: Job performance be gone! Apparently, I can do that now. Asok: I must find more disciples.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, crimes, mobile (cell) phones, large screen smartphone, stealing, life of crime, chosen lifestyle

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Boss: You have a large-screen smartphone, and yet you don't work while walking from one place to another. That's like stealing from the company. Dilbert: I didn't realize I had chose a life of crime. Dogbert: And you're not even doing it right.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags efficiency experts, friendship, money, you won't quit, friends at work, pay less, relationships

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Boss: Experts say you'll be more engaged if you have a friend at work. And when you're engaged, I can pay you less and you won't quit. Dilbert: So this guy is costing me money? Wally: Don't flatter yourself. I barely know your name.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, vacations, work harder, no vacation, boss, time off, employee

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Dilbert: Can I take my vacation next week? Boss: Fine. Just work twice as hard this week to get everything done before you leave. Dilbert: In that case, I prefer not taking a vacation at all. Boss: It's starting to look as if nothing can make you happy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags charitable organizations, corporate charity, deception, no boss fooled, teaching interview techniques, trained umemployed, work ethic, job skill

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Wally: Last week, I did my corporate charity work by teaching unemployed people how to interview for jobs. Boss: Don't they also need job skills? Wally: Nah. I taught them how to look busy. Boss: No boss will be fooled by that. Wally: Do you believe I trained unemployed people last week?