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Dogbert: I created you cucumber mutants to assist me in my bid for world domination! Bulletin I interrupt this strip because the whole giant cucumber theme isn't as fun as I thought it would be. lets go directly to the big finish. scott DOGBERT: Then Waldo grabbed the "salad shooter" there were peels everywhere! Dilbert: sounds like quite a pickle.
Genetic research Dogbert: Id like you to clone an army of obedient slaves for me, I plan to conquer the world and have dominion over all living things. scientist: I mostly work on giant cucumbers. Dogbert: Mix in some arms and legs and give me two packages of seeds.
The Boss: We've hired the Dogbert Ad Agency to give our company a new image. Mark: AAAGH! MARK: Sure, Sure...I"ll do it, but I'll have this expression the whole time. and just maybe I"ll complain behind your back!! The Boss: Never mind, I'll do it myself. Oh, right, keep the good assignment,
Ratbert: "My philosophy is 'if life gives you lemons, make lemonade'." "Of course, the whole thing depends heavily on life also providing a big pitcher with ice and a few glasses." rather: "What? No napkins?!"
Man: "Let's spend the next four hours reviewing the project plan." "I've detailed every resource, task and dependency into an exquisitely accurate road map." "It took me two weeks, but it's the only way to make sure we're not wasting time." Alice: "My tasks are two weeks late because I was waiting for your input." Dilbert: "And you left off one task, so all the dependencies are wrong." Wally: "I'm changing all of my estimate to 'to be determined'." Dilbert: "Can we do that? I've just been using random numbers." Man: "I'll have to redo the whole plan." Wally: "Don't worry. We won't do anything until we hear from you."
Tags #pretending, #personal lives, #interested, #management technique, #job satisfaction, #more money, #boost intangible benefits, #chisel away, #salaries, #families, #wife divorced, #job lowers self esteem, #attract mate, #said hello
"Hi guys, how are your families?" "?" "?" "Why are you pretending to be interested in our personal lives?" "It's a management technique to increase your job satisfaction without giving you more money." "My plan is to boost your intangible benefits while continuing to chisel away at your salaries." "But enough about me...how are those families of yours?" "My wife divorced me because you make me work so many hours." "This job lowers my self-esteem too much to attract a mate." "Tell them I said 'hi'."
"We don't know what the project should do or who would use it." "But if you could tell us what it costs to build it, we'll figure out the rest later." "What year do you plan to sell it?" "What am I - psychic or something??"
Dogbert: I plan to use my new wealth to build an amusement park. Dogbert: Dogbertland will have thrilling rides like "The wedgie" and I'll have a maze in front of the restrooms. Dilbert: The customers will hate this. Dogbert: If they want fun they can build their own park.
Dilbert: I joined the spotted chipmunk preservation society. We're going to tranquilize the last known male and unite it with a female. Wally: There he is! POW! THUNK! Wally: When you think about it, thats an awfully large dart to use on a chipmunk. woman: Its Dilberts turn to write the newsletter. Dogbert: Trust me, Humor is the way to go, It eases tension. Dilbert: Yeah, but the whole issue of dead chipmunk jokes?
Dilbert kneels in front of a machine. He tells Dogbert, "My time machine is complete." Dogbert says, "I guess you'll be off to explore exotic and fascinating civilizations." Dilbert asks, "Why would anybody want to do that?" Dogbert replies, "Beats me." Dilbert says, "My plan is to send all of our trash to ourselves twenty years from now. We'll have much better recycling methods by then." Dilbert puts a bag of trash into the time machine and says, "I wonder what elegant methods we'll have for recycling in the future." Dilbert continues, "I bet we'll have a way that's quick and efficient and . . ." Dogbert asks, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh." They hear a "ping." Dilbert and Dogbert stand among several bags of trash. Dilbert says, "We would send it back in time and wait for it to decompose." Dogbert says, "I hate us."