Service Business Comic Strips - Page 57

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Service Business

View 561 - 570 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.

Drooling Incompetents

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Drooling Incompetents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, competent, incompetent

View Transcript

Transcript

wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.

Zombie Projects

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Zombie Projects - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, zombie, sloth, fail, salary

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: wally, i'm putting you in charge of all the zombie projects that refuse to die. the boss: i'm counting on your sloth and incompetence to finish them off, so management feels comfortable finally canceling them. the boss: as of today, i'm paying you to fail. wally: actually, this is just the first time you're aware of it.

Jargon Poisoning

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Jargon Poisoning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, huddle, jargon, calendar

View Transcript

Transcript

ted: let's plan a huddle to ideate around that opportunity. dilbert visually distressed and yelling: gaaa!!! i have jargon poisoning! ted: i'll send you a calendar invite. dilbert has fell over and feet are in air.

Encouraging Smoking

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Encouraging Smoking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meeting, office, office workers, smoking, turnover, breaks

View Transcript

Transcript

dibert, the boss and ask at conference table. the boss: our plan for reducing turnover is to encourage smoking. the boss: that way, everyone gets a relaxing smoke break several times per day. dilbert: or non-smokers could take breaks. the boss: now i wish you had been in the meeting when we planned this.

How To Reduce Turnover

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How To Reduce Turnover - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, success, turnover, pay

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm looking for ideas on how to reduce turnover. dilbert: maybe you could increase our pay and stop thwarting our chances for success at every turn. the boss: i'll ask someone else.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, business, office, raise, project

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.

Lawyer Can't Be Too Careful

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lawyer Can't Be Too Careful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, lawyers, office, agreement, legalese

View Transcript

Transcript

company lawyer: i made seven hundred suggested changes to the agreement. dilbert: you have turned a good income opportunity into a flaming cesspool of impenetrable legalese. company lawyer: you can't be too careful. dilbert: i think you just proved we can.

Lawyers Take Years

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lawyers Take Years - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, lawyers, office, agreement, years

View Transcript

Transcript

team meeting in conference room. dilbert: we can close the deal as soon as our lawyers tweak a few minor sentences in the agreement. the boss: how long will that take? dilbert: probably several years. the boss: what if i help them? dilbert: add 3 years.

Employee Engagement

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employee Engagement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, managers & supervisors, office, time, engagement

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm assigning you to work on our employee engagement initiative. dilbert: does it matter that i think that project sounds like a complete waste of time? the boss: nah.

Did You Get My Email

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Did You Get My Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, email, managers & supervisors, office, talking

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: did you read my email? dilbert: yes. dilbert: are you aware that email is a substitute for talking in person? the boss thinking: i thought i heard something about that.