Better Products Comic Strips - Page 57
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631 Results for Better Products
View 561 - 570 results for better products comic strips. Discover the best "Better Products" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday November 27,
2016
Tags #logic, #reasoning, #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #chaos theory
Transcript
Woman: When will you finish the technical review? Wally: That will depend on a variety of unknowns. A lot can happen between now and whenever you imagine I might be done with it. No one knows the future. I'd be a liar if I said I did, and you don't want a co-worker who is a liar, do you? Or do you? Woman: Lying would be better than whatever this is. Wally: In that case, I'll have it tomorrow.
Sunday December 04,
2016
Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!
Saturday November 12,
2016
Bought His Last Company
Tags #comparison, #comparing, #merger, #acquisition, #liquidation, #layoff, #redundancy, #big business, #competition, #darwin
Transcript
Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.
Thursday January 12,
2017
Coaching Alice
Tags #coaching, #mentor, #boss, #manager, #Advice
Transcript
Boss: Do you want some coaching? Alice: Heck yes. If you find someone who knows my job better than I do, send them my way. Boss: Maybe I could share my wisdom with you. Alice: Can you teach me how to stay calm when some idiot interrupts me?
Sunday January 22,
2017
Tags #conversation, #analogy, #false equivalence, #frustration
Transcript
Narrator: The bad analogy guy. Dilbert: And that's why I want to rewrite that part of the software. Man: That's like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. Dilbert: No, it isn't anything like that. I just think the current software could bet better. Man: So it's like throwing away the baby with the bathwater. Dilbert: No, it is not like that even a little! Man: You sound exactly like Hitler. That can't be a coincidence. Dilbert: Nothing you say makes sense! Man: That's like saying the earth is flat.
Monday February 06,
2017
Agile Methodology
Tags #agile, #coding, #engineer, #method, #misunderstanding, #software, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.
Saturday March 18,
2017
Devil's Advocate
Tags #devil's advocate, #demon, #devil, #anger, #idiom
Transcript
Boss: Do you mind if I play devil's advocate on this? Dilbert: Okay. Boss: Die! Die! Die! Suffer and burn forever!!! How was that? Dilbert: Better than I expected.
Tuesday May 09,
2017
Robot Attacks Boss
Tags #machines, #computers, #fighting, #violence, #programming, #technology
Transcript
Boss: Our robot viciously attacked me. I was barely able to fight him off. You know what you need to do. Dilbert: I'm programming you to fight better. Robot: Thanks. I'm not a good finisher.
Friday June 02,
2017
Modular Workstations
Tags #cubicle, #office, #language, #semantics, #workspace
Transcript
Boss: From now on, you must refer to your cubicle as a "modular workstation." The word "cubicle" is demeaning to the people who work in them. Dilbert: I feel so much better now. Boss: Good. I was hoping it would work quickly.
Thursday June 08,
2017
Dilbert Is Under Budget
Tags #project, #budget, #money, #stealing, #embezzlement, #consequences
Transcript
Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.