Emails Jokes Per Week Comic Strips - Page 57

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572 Results for Emails Jokes Per Week

View 561 - 570 results for emails jokes per week comic strips. Discover the best "Emails Jokes Per Week" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Helps Coworkers

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Wally Helps Coworkers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accomplish, #business, #claim, #co-workers, #critical, #help, #lie, #managers & supervisors, #problem, #teamwork, #validate, #face mask

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boss: what did you accomplish this week? wally: i helped several of my co-workers solve critical problems. boss: and if i asked them to validate your claim? wally: they're all huge liars.

Can You Zoom Now

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Can You Zoom Now - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #text message, #video conference, #zoom, #call, #response, #anger, #lack of response

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dilbert sending text: are you available for a zoom call? dilbert thinking: he's typing something. nope, he stopped. okay, he's typing again. no, he stopped again. block of text: i'm available at 2 p.m. tomorrow, Thursday at 9 a.m., or next week any time after three, and now. dilbert sending text: perfect. how about now? dilbert thinking: answer coming. no, he stopped typing. ten minutes later: dilbert angry and yelling: answer me, you jerk!!! thirty minutes later: text answer: does now work? dilbert yelling: too late!!!

Wally Hates His App

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Wally Hates His App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #application, #stop, #fix, #hate, #developers, #need, #problem solving

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wally speaking in meeting: i spent all week trying to sign into an app that stopped working for some reason. boss: but you got it to work in the end? wally: no, all i did was learn to hate the developers. boss: how do you plan to solve that? wally drinking coffee: i don't need to. it isn't an app i need.

Wally Answers Texts Later

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Wally Answers Texts Later  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #lazy, #working, #ignore, #text, #email, #response, #data

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asok: i rarely see you working. how do you get away with it? wally: it's easy. i just wait a day before answering any texts or emails. for example, here's alice asking if i can attend a meeting in an hour. i'll answer her in the morning and say i didn't see her message. And here's dilbert asking me for some data. tomorrow, i will text him to ask for clarification, and he will tell me he found the data on his own. asok: don't you feel guilty? wally: nah. they'd do the same to me. asok: and do they? wally: they would if i didn't ignore them first.

Dna Says Wally Will Steal

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Dna Says Wally Will Steal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #psychology, #dna, #steal, #office supplies, #junk, #science, #experts, #listen

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Catbert: wally, according to your dna, the odds of you stealing office supplies later this week are nearly 100%. wally: that sounds like junk science. catbert to boss: he refuses to listen to experts.

Sales To Elbonia

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Sales To Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #government policy, #sales, #sale, #elbonia, #government, #ban, #accomplices

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boss: i'm happy to announce that we just made a huge sale in elbonia. dilbert: are you aware that last week our government banned all sales to elbonia? boss: before you go blabbing that all over the place remember that all of you are accomplices.

Industry Trends

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Industry Trends - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #industry, #trend, #luck, #act, #fast, #change, #increase, #profits, #advantage, #future, #bogus, #training, #program, #company

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in board room. boss: industry trends just turned our way by total luck. we have to act fast! i need to implement some kind of change so it looks as if i caused the increase in profits that will happen anyway. does anyone have any ideas? dilbert: no, because we're already perfectly situated to take advantage of the trend. boss upset: that doesn't help me! i can't take credit for our future profits unless i do something i can say made a difference. dilbert: maybe you could implement some sort of bogus company culture training program. one week later. dogbert presenting on a stage: it's important to realize you're all idiots.

Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person

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Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #business, #disabled, #token, #gay, #homosexual, #celebrate, #employment

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boss: ted, the company wants to celebrate you as the first disabled gay person to hold this job. ted: but... i'm neither gay nor disabled. boss: the celebration is next week, so you have plenty of time to fix that.

Who Are They

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Who Are They - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #job, #impossible, #laptop, #coffee, #correct, #learn

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wally: they said it couldn't be done. boss: but you did it? wally: no, it turns out they're usually right. boss: who are "they," and why am i just learning this? wally: you sound like me last week.

Taking Time Off

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Taking Time Off - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #vacation, #paid time off, #critical, #essential, #system, #migration, #kidding, #success, #zoom, #call, #valuable, #asset, #engagement

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boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.