Lesser Of Two Eveils Comic Strips - Page 57

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

576 Results for Lesser Of Two Eveils

View 561 - 570 results for lesser of two eveils comic strips. Discover the best "Lesser Of Two Eveils" comics from Dilbert.com.

Complaints About Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Complaints About Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #complaint, #office, #office workers, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: wally, i received 43 complaints that you have been clipping your toenails in the office. the boss: you have single-handedly destroyed all productivity on the floor. wally: in my defense, it takes two hands if you count the one holding the toe.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bugs, #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #quit, #system

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #rules, #quotes, #chaos, #purchasing

View Transcript

Transcript

purchasing manager: i can't approve this purchase without three vendor quotes. dilbert: only two companies in the world make this sort of product. purchasing manager: if i bend the rules for you, everyone will want me to bend the rules. dilbert: maybe you could only bend the rules when it makes complete sense to do so. purchasing manager: that would be chaos. Purchasing manager: everyone thinks they have a good reason to bend the rules. dilbert: is the real problem here that you were bullied in school, and you use this job for some sort of sick revenge. purchasing manager: now you need four vendor quotes.

Doctor Appointment

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Doctor Appointment - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #doctor, #office, #office workers, #medical advice, #essential oil, #attitude, #kava

View Transcript

Transcript

carol: i have a doctor's appointment today. the boss: doctor? bah! the boss: all you need are some essential oils and a supplement or two. carol: has anyone ever survived your medical advice? the boss: some kava could fix your attitude problem.

Hallucinations At Meetings

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hallucinations At Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #server, #hallucinate, #network

View Transcript

Transcript

in conference room. dilbert: i recommend we upgrade one of our servers over the weekend. office workers: so, just to be clear, you want to replace our entire network in two days? dilbert: um...no. i want to replace one defective server. office worker: we can't replace our entire network in two days! that is ridiculous! dilbert: i don't know what is happening right now. dilbert: it's as if they things i say have no impact on what you hallucinate you are hearing. office worker: you think you can replace an entire network in two days, and you think i'm the one who is hallucinating? dilbert: i don't know what to do right now. office worker: your incompetence is confirmed.

Slippery Slope

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Slippery Slope - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #slippery, #slope, #approval, #database, #cosmetic, #surgery, #insult

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: can i take this database class? boss: no, that's a slippery slope. if i approve that class, next you will demand i pay for cosmetic surgery. dilbert: do i look like i need it? boss: only in two places - your face and your body

Dilbert Murders Robots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Murders Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #robot, #technology, #human resources, #bad behavior, #reboot, #murder, #plot, #erase

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.

Reporting To Two Managers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Reporting To Two Managers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #reporting, #vp of sales, #project, #business, #hate

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: dilbert, you'll be reporting to the vp of sales for the new project. you will also be reporting to me as usual. dilbert: congratulations on making me hate my job more than ever. boss: and you said it couldn't be done.

Consider Polyamory

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Consider Polyamory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #psychology, #relationships, #office work, #polyamory, #girl friend, #progress, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: have you ever considered trying polyamory? instead of not having one girl-friend, you could not have two. dilbert: that would feel like progress. alice: you're welcome.

How Long It Will Take

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Long It Will Take - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #assignment, #deadline, #incompetence, #meeting, #co-workers, #months

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: can you have it done in a week? dilbert: not if i have to work with other employees. given the galactic incompetence of my co-workers, it would probably take seven to non months. boss: i'll give you two weeks. dilbert: that's how long it will take to set up the first meeting.