Profits Down Comic Strips - Page 57

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573 Results for Profits Down

View 561 - 570 results for profits down comic strips. Discover the best "Profits Down" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #procrastination, #work ethic, #excuses, #productivity

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Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?

Negotiating Expert

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Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business

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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #the boss, #bad, #technology, #day, #phone, #freezing, #printer, #working, #network, #warning, #lights, #christmas, #tree, #laptop, #boot, #coincidence, #permission, #lock, #lead-line, #box, #hero

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Wally: I'm having a bad technology day. My phone keeps freezing, my printer isn't working, and our network is down. Wally: My car's warning lights look like a Christmas tree, and my laptop won't boot up. Maybe its all just coincidence but I don't think we can take that chance. May I have permission to lock myself in a lead-lined box to protect the rest of the company? The Boss: How will I know you're really in a lead-lined box? Wally: YOu'll know because your phone will be working fine. The Boss: My phone is still working that man is a hero.

No Internet

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No Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business, #complaining, #engineering, #office workers, #technology

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Boss: The network will be down all day, but try to do what you can without it. Dilbert: What can we do without it besides drink coffee, complain, and whittle? Boss: No knives at work. Dilbert: Hold off on the whittling.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business, #decision, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #success, #manipulation

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CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

How Long To Make Ai

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How Long To Make Ai  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computers, #engineering, #intelligence, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology, #robots, #humans

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Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.

Self Driving Car

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Self Driving Car - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2019's comic on:


Tags #automobile driving, #cars, #intelligence, #technology, #creepy

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Dilbert: My self-driving car quit on me. Wally: You mean it broke down? Dilbert: No, I mean it left a note and drove away. Wally: Did you wax it enough? Dilbert: I tried, but it kept moaning in a creepy way.

Birds Cause Hurricanes

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Birds Cause Hurricanes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #ceo, #research, #nonsense, #hurricans, #birds, #noted, #polar bears, #hate, #snow

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CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?

Wally's Dna

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Wally's Dna - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #dishes, #break room, #dna, #genealogy

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carol: did you leave unwashed dishes in the break room? wally: it wasn't me. carol:" i got a dna sample off a fork, ran it against public genealogy records and narrowed it down to your family. carol: how do you explain that? wally: sounds like i have a child i don't know about.

Detailed Explanation

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Detailed Explanation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers

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office worker: did my detailed explanation answer your question? wally: i started to lose consciousness about fifteen minutes into it, so I thought of other things while you talked, just to stay awake. office worker: i could start over. wally: go ahead. i'll be down the hall if you need me.