Staple On Head Comic Strips - Page 57

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

588 Results for Staple On Head

View 561 - 570 results for staple on head comic strips. Discover the best "Staple On Head" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, deadline, team, teamwork, frustration, rage, telekinesis, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I worked all night to finish my part. Coworker: I admire your work ethic, Alice. I only finished half of my part. Alice: Wait... if you didn't finish your part, it was a total waste of time for me to finish mine. Coworker: That's one way to look at it. Alice: What time last night did you know you would not be done by today? Coworker: Must have been about six. I got hungry, then I had to unwind. Are you trying to make my head explode by focusing anger at my skull? Alice: First time that worked. Practice paid off.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

I Would Never Ask You To Lie

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
I Would Never Ask You To Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sales personnel, lying, sales, ethics, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Stop being honest when you go on sales calls. Dilbert: You want me to lie? Boss: I would never ask you to lie. I'm asking you to nod your head and smile while our salesperson lies.

Nod At Preset Intervals

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nod At Preset Intervals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, lie, collusion, nonverbal communication, honest, sales, sales personnel, ethics, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You don't have to lie to customers, but at least nod your head when our salesperson lies. Dilbert: Can I not at preset intervals and let the salesperson time the lies to my nods? Salesman: I can work with that.

Asok Meets His Equal

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Meets His Equal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags accuse, label, racist, sexist, negotiation, clever, outsmart, money, salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I love being the best negotiator in the entire department. Alice: You're not. Asok: Are you being racist? Alice: Are you being sexist? Asok: I have met my equal. Alice: Tell your equal I said hi when you pull your head out of it.

Wally Heads Up Ai Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Heads Up Ai Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, project, fake

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.

Ask The Other Director

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ask The Other Director - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reorganization, logic, managers, solutions, cheating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.

Accused Of Forgery

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Accused Of Forgery - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, performance, forgery, pessimism, giving up, resistance

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: You stand accused of forging an expense approval from the head of Marketing. Your malfeasance caused the project to finish on time and under budget. Next time, just give up and lose hope like everyone else. Dilbert: Will do.

Car Rental Typing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Car Rental Typing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, efficiency, car rental, frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Car Rental. Man: I hope you don't have some sort of technology job. Dilbert: Why? Man: Because the user experience you are about to endure might make your head explode. Narrator: Twenty minutes later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why do you need to type so much?!!! Man: We got an engineer!

Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, sociopath, pathology, hit man, murder, killing, morals, emotions

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.

Robotic Hair Transplant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robotic Hair Transplant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee, conversation, hair, surgery, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Never go to a robotic hair transplant center on the same day they upgrade the software. Is that the surgery where they take hair from the back of your head and fill in the bald spot? That's how the old software worked. The new one didn't respect boundaries.