Assemble Computer Comic Strips - Page 58

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View 571 - 580 results for assemble computer comic strips. Discover the best "Assemble Computer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #computer, #Advice, #fire, #pain, #angry, #unexpected, #technology

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Carol says, "Now what do I do?" Dilbert says ,"Click some buttons and see what happens. You can't hurt anything." Click Fzzeet! Dilbert says, "In my defense, that hardly ever happens."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #file emailed, #viewer application, #upgrade, #operating system, #new one, #corrupted files

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"Wally, I can't open that file you e-mailed." "Sounds like you need to upgrade your viewer application." "Which means you'll probably have to upgrade your operating system." "You'd better add some ram while you're at it." "But it probably makes no sense to upgrade your old computer. This is a good time to get a new one." "How do I get a new computer?" "It's easy. I'll send you a file that explains it." "Are you sending corrupted files to people again?" "Only if I think they deserve it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cost estimate, #deny, #numbers, #manipulate, #decisions, #hurt, #typing at computer, #humming noise, #annoy, #go away, #angry face, #home, #sitting on couch

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Coworker says, "Can I get a rough cost estimate for the design phase?" Dilbert says, "No. I don't trust you with numbers." Coworker says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You're the kind of guy who will remove useful qualifiers and distribute a figure as if it is true in all cases." Dilbert says, "Decisions will be made. People will get hurt." Dilbert says, "For everyone's sake, the safest thing I can do is make an annoying humming sound until you go away." Dilbert says, "Hummmmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmmmm." Dilbert says, "Half of life is making people go away." Dogbert says, "Humm-mmmm"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #leader, #process, #decision making, #gut, #instinct, #annoy, #question, #frustrated, #yell, #business

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The Boss says, "A good leader uses a process for making decisions." Dilbert says, "May I take this one?" Wally says, "Go." Alice says, "Make us proud." Dilbert says, "Question: If making a decision is just a process, why can't a computer do it?" The Boss says, "Because sometimes I have to rely on my gut." Dilbert says, "Which part of your gut is the smart part? Is it the stomach lining, or maybe the colon?" The Boss says, "I'm talking about instinct. It's an indefinable leadership quality." Dilbert says, "Is the indefinable thing like a superstition?" Wally says, "Or cooties?" The Boss says, "It's a process!" Dilbert says, "Is that your colon talking?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rfq, #resopnd, #computer, #discipline, #useless, #lazy, #front, #yoda, #technology

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Man says, "Wally, can you respond to this RFQ by tomorrow?" Wally says, "That depends." Wally says, "I take a disciplined approach to allocation my limited resources." Wally says, "First, I'll need to evaluate all of the alternative uses for my time." Wally says, "If doing this RFQ thing comes out on top, then yes, I can do it." Man says, "When do you think you will know that?" Wally says, "Maybe next week. Unless something comes up." Man says, "So... you're useless." Wally says, "I don't see you getting much done right now either." Wally says, "Did you know that being disciplined is almost the same as being useless?" Dilbert says, "Yoda? Is that you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #work, #progress, #software, #annoyed, #grit teeth, #drink coffee, #inspiration, #machine, #technology, #engineering

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The Boss says, "Wally, have you made any progress coding your module?" Wally says, "Progress is difficult to measure in the software realm." Wally says, "You could measure the lines of code I produce, but that would reward inefficiency." Wally says, "The art of this job is binding the rare moments of inspiration to knowledge and machines." Wally says, "In fact, just a minute ago I could feel the inspiration welling up inside me." Wally says, "But then you interrupted me with your naive question and the moment was lost." Wally says, "Maybe you should go back to your office and reflect on the damage you've done here today." Wally thinks, "There goes the one person who has less of a real job than I do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiate, #reserchers, #two computers, #women dont, #more complaining

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Tina: "Why does Dilbert get two computer monitors while I only get one?" The Boss: "Well, according to researchers, it's because men tend to negotiate and women don't." Tina: "So, what happens now?" The Boss: "If I had to guess, I'd say more complaining."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mordac, #reventer, #information services, #complete log in, #stare directly at sun, #computer message

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Mordac, the preventer of information services. Mordac: "Security is more important than usability." "In a perfect world, no one would be able to use anything." Asok: To complete the log-in procedure. Stare directly at the sun.

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"This is Dogbert's tech support. How may I abuse you?" "I get an error message every time I open an application." "Try giving me all of your personal information and then checking into rehab." "Then I'll have someone steal your identity and move in with your wife." "There's a good chance that the new guy will know how to fix your computer." "When you get out of rehab, talk your wife into taking you back." "Then never touch your computer again because it hurts the ones you love." "How's work?" "Everyone wants to talk to my supervisor."

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Our employee onboarding process will get you all mainstreamed in no time at all." "This will be your cubicle, if we can find another place to store this junk." "You'll get a phone and a computer if the budget ever gets approved." "This is Alice. She will be your mentor." "I don't have time to babysit! I'm buried in work!" "I do not like you. I...do...not...like you!!!" "Stand in the hallway and read these binders. If you learn anything, forget it, because knowledge isn't rewarded here." "Try giving up hope. It turns the bad feeling into emptiness."