Ceo Comic Strips - Page 58
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627 Results for Ceo
View 571 - 580 results for CEO comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday March 06,
2019
Employee Engagement Is Up
Tags employees, managers & supervisors, obliviousness, questions, data, measurement
Transcript
Boss: And I've improved employee engagement by nineteen percent. CEO: What is employee engagement? Boss: I'm not entirely sure. CEO: Then how do you measure it? Boss: Honestly, I wasn't expecting a lot of questions.
Wednesday March 20,
2019
Birds Cause Hurricanes
Tags boss, ceo, research, nonsense, hurricans, birds, noted, polar bears, hate, snow
Transcript
CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?
Tuesday April 02,
2019
Not In My Town
Tags business, engineering, office, office workers, nuclear
Transcript
dilbert: i engineered a totally safe design for nuclear power plants. ceo: how sure are you that it is safe? dilbert: one hundred percent. ceo: just keep it away from my town. dilbert: maybe it wasn't an engineering problem after all.
Friday May 03,
2019
Chatting With The Ceo
Tags business, office, office workers, sarcasm, ceo
Transcript
the boss: i saw you chatting with our eco. what was that all about? dilbert: we were talking about what a great job you do. dilbert: you believe that, right? the boss: seems plausible.
Saturday May 04,
2019
Engineers Don't Lie
Tags boss, business, office, office workers, ceo
Transcript
the boss: i saw dilbert talking to the ceo. i think he's trying to undermine me. catbert: engineers don't lie. the boss: that's what worries me.
Sunday May 12,
2019
Tags bugs, business, fire, office, office workers, quit, system
Transcript
ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.
Wednesday May 15,
2019
Bad Denials
Tags business, office, office workers, spying, elbonia
Transcript
ceo: have you confirmed that the cyber attacks are coming from elbonia? dilbert: no. ceo: i guess that means you are on their side. dilbert: what? catbert: what proof do you have that dilbert is a spy? ceo: he didn't deny it the way I think he should have.
Wednesday June 12,
2019
Prove A Negative
Tags business, managers & supervisors, office, accusations, negative
Transcript
ceo to dilbert: is this everything i need to know? dilbert: yes. ceo: how can you be sure there isn't something out there we don't know about? dlbert: are you asking me to prove a negative? ceo: it's more of an accusation than a question.
Saturday June 29,
2019
Drooling Incompetents
Tags business, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, competent, incompetent
Transcript
wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.
Tuesday July 02,
2019
Why Not A Center Of Excellence
Tags business, managers & supervisors, office, excellence
Transcript
ceo: maybe we should creat a "center of excellence." the boss: what exactly does that mean? ceo: i think it means whatever we want it to mean. the boss: then what good is it? ceo: let's not get lost in the weeds.


