Average Woman Comic Strips - Page 58

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604 Results for Average Woman

View 571 - 580 results for average woman comic strips. Discover the best "Average Woman" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Tweets Fake News

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Boss Tweets Fake News - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #mobile (cell) phones, #talk, #window

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The department of education asked us to talk to you about all of your tweeting. You tweeted so much fake news that the average I.Q. in the country plunged seven points. That doesn't hurt anyone. You tweeted "seat belts are designed to strangle survivors so they won't sue."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time, #delay, #leaving, #schedule, #inconsiderate

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Woman: Can you take a look at the prototype? It keeps crashing. Dilbert: I was just leaving for the day. Woman: It will only take ten minutes. Dilbert: I came to work early so I could leave early and beat the traffic. Woman: No problem. It will only take ten minutes. Dilbert: It's never ten minutes! People always say it will be ten minutes, but it's never ten minutes! I give up! Where is it? Woman: Find it in the lab. I need to leave early to beat the traffic.

Ambitious Men

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Ambitious Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #rude, #honesty, #ambition, #insult, #relationships

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Woman: I like ambitious men. Are you ambitious? Dilbert: Not especially. For example, I settled for dating you. Woman: That's a terrible thing to say. Dilbert: You're the one who brought it up.

Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise

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Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #genius, #work ethic, #efficiency

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Woman: Can you do that by end of day? Wally: It would be smarter to wait until we have the final specs. Woman: I can't tell if you're lazy or wise. Wally: It's all the same thing. Woman: This is a weird gray area. Wally: I'm going to take a quick nap to boost my productivity.

Threatening Wally

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Threatening Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #excuse, #threat, #ultimatum

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Woman: Wally, did you finish the data scrub? Wally: No, a defect in my brain made me too lazy. Woman: Perhaps some sort of threat would get you going. Wally: It's worth a try. Woman: Do your work or else I'll tell everyone you're useless! Wally: That would save me a lot of time.

Artificial Deadlines

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Artificial Deadlines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadline, #logic, #motivation, #excuses

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Woman: You've been promising me you'd finish the web page for the last six months. Wally: This is your fault for not giving me an artificial deadline. Woman: Okay. I need it by end of day. Wally: And miss my dental appointment??

Deducing Rank

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Deducing Rank - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hierarchy, #rank, #marketing, #jargon, #lingo, #adspeak, #business

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Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.

Both Huge Liars

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Both Huge Liars - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #tinder, #app, #relationships, #lying, #deceit

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Dilbert: You don't look like your photos on the dating app. Woman: Your profile said you like to go to the gym. So I guess we're both huge liars. Dilbert: Maybe we can build on that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #berating, #yelling, #gaslight, #temper, #anger, #frustration

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Asok: What's that gadget? Woman: Are you freakin' serious? Asok: Yes. Woman: Oh... My... God. Do you not remember the long discussion about this thing in the last meeting? Are you trying to gaslight me? I have not patience for trolls! Eat dirt and die! Asok: I joined the project today. This is my first meeting. Woman: Liar! Dilbert: Welcome to the team.

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.