Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 58

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Dogbert

View 571 - 580 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, advice from dog, pick up line, ultimate pick up line, criticism completes me, low self esteem, woman responds, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm going to a singles mixer tonight. Do you have any advice? Dogbert: Don't I always?" "It's all about knowing what a woman needs. Find a woman who looks hot, carve her out from the herd and read this. Dilbert: What is it?" Dogbert: It's the ultimate pick up line. Dilbert: Um...Hi. Excuse me. Criticism completes me. woman: He's a keeper.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags firing, humorless stain, interview boss, soul of humanity, support thesis, worship satan

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: The Dogbert gazette is doing a story on your firing of an employee for posting a comic on the wall. I need some quotes that support my thesis of you being a humorless stain on the soul of humanity. Would you say you worship satan, or do you simply respect his nonsense approach to discipline?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags scary guy, electric cubicle, scare off .coworkers, keith richards effigy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's Electric Cubical Walls Asok: I have a leaner. I want to stun him but not kill him. Dogbert: I recommend our Keith Richards model. Asok: Maybe I should dial it back a little."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags server, project, virtualization, rates, online, trouble ticket, scam, inside job

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: The server virtualization project is done, and there are no trouble tickets. My rates might seem steep, but remember, there are no trouble tickets. Dilbert: Our online trouble ticket system is broken."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hurl software, phase one, server, unplug server, virtualization project, team of monkeys

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: There's no need to worry about the server virtualization project. In phase one a team of blind monkeys will unplug unnecessary servers. In phase two, the monkeys will hurl software at whatever is left. Voila!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultant, virtualization, project, employees, heavy thinking, obstacles, progress, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I hired a consultant to help with our virtualization project because I don't trust employees with anything important. Dogbert: I will do the heavy thinking while each of you performs your usual duties as obstacles to progress. Dilbert: You said this is my project! Dogbert: I'll let him unplug something.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personality predictor, judge career, dead end job, matches, lack of potential, sample question, angry loner, embezzler, lazy, label yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We'll be using the Dogbert personality predictor index to judge your career potential. Then we'll leave you in the dead end job that most closely matches your lack of potential. Here's a sample question... How would other people describe you? A)Angry loner B) embezzler C) lazy Dilbert: That's not enough choices! Dogbert: Says the angry loner. The Boss: You have thirty minutes to give yourself a label that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Wally: Would you say I'm more of an unidentified hominid or an inappropriate toucher?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dog, financial planner, troglodyte, Advice, soften up, meeting, insult, yell, scream, put down, animals, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: Investing is far too complicated for your tiny brain. You are a financial troglodytle!!!" Man: Do I get some advice now? Dogbert: No, our first meeting is just to soften you up.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags financial planner, health care, squalor, diversified portfolio, bacon, secrets, planning, dog advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: With advances in health care, you could live to be 200. If you have a good financial plan, only the last 120 years will be spent in squalor. I recommend a diversified portfolio. And bacon."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intern, ideas, reject, listen, putrid ideas, warnings, time management, pretend to care

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'll tell you my idea if you promise not to reject it before thinking about it. Dilbert: I already rejected it because only putrid ideas come with warnings. Dilbert: My time management is getting better. Dogbert:I can't pretend to care."