Being Bought Comic Strips - Page 58

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

584 Results for Being Bought

View 571 - 580 results for being bought comic strips. Discover the best "Being Bought" comics from Dilbert.com.

The Secret To Managing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Secret To Managing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #manager, #hire, #people, #smart, #steal, #success, #rumor, #job

View Transcript

Transcript

boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.

Goggles Remove Humans

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Goggles Remove Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #goggles, #human, #scenery, #alone, #noise canceling, #headphones, #interaction, #mega, #dork

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i invented goggles that remove humans from the scenery, so one can enjoy being alone. add noice canceling headphones, and you'll never again have to experience the horror of human interaction. alice: you freakin' megadork. dilbert holding arms out: mmmm, bliss.

Working On Vacation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Working On Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #work, #vacation, #scold, #enjoy, #behind, #train, #broken

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: do you mind if i come to work on my vacation days? i hate being scolded for being behind in my work more that i enjoy taking vacations. boss: it seems i have trained you well. dilbert: no, i'm just broken.

Human Walking This Way

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Human Walking This Way - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coronavirus, #exercise, #fish, #health, #human, #social distancing, #walking, #water

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert walking outside thinking: uh-oh. a human being is walking in my direction. dilbert jumping over wall into river: aaaagh!!! fish in water by dilbert: i need to ask you to back up six feet.

Bead Of Sweat

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bead Of Sweat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health & safety, #idea, #nervous, #office workers, #sickness, #virus, #paranoia, #pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What do you think of my idea? Dilbert: To be honest, I didn't hear a word of it. I spent the whole time being worried about that bead of sweat on your forehead. Man: It's warm in here! Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be a thousand yards in that direction.

Believing Experts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Believing Experts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #debates, #Opinion, #expert, #facts, #current events, #Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Haha! You idiot! How dare you dis-agree with the foremost experts in this field! Dilbert: Here's a breaking story about those same experts being arrested today for falsifying data. In a sane world, this information would serve to modify your strong opinion. Man: That's not how any of this works.

Dogbert Teaches Safety

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Dogbert Teaches Safety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #safety, #training, #simple, #corporate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's corporate safety training. Don't touch anything, don't move around, and don't talk to anyone, ever! Thanks for coming. Dilbert: That's the whole class? Dogbert: Don't blame me for being good at summarizing.

Getting Opinions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Getting Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #technology, #input, #dumb, #human, #universe, #Opinion, #strategy, #worse

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.

Manage With Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Manage With Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analysis, #business, #data, #face maks, #leadership, #manage, #managers & supervisors, #paralysis, #technology, #useable

View Transcript

Transcript

boss wearing face mask: we need to manage with data! dilbert wearing face mask: do we have any useful data? boss: not really. dilbert: so...actually we need to get data before we can use data. boss: we don't have time for your analysis paralysis! dilbert: i think you're taking both sides of the same argument. you insist on using data, but you don't want to wait for data. boss: it's called leadership. you wouldn't understand. dilbert: oh, i think i do. boss: stop being such a mask hole.

Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #racism, #fired, #employees, #white supremacist, #apathy, #career, #punch, #witness, #denial

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: i have to fire you because employees are saying you are a white supremacist. boss: but i'm not. ceo: doesn't matter. i care more about my career than your life. boss: you're firing me just to look good? ceo: and i'll need to punch you in front of witnesses.