Computer Programmers Comic Strips - Page 58
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646 Results for Computer Programmers
View 571 - 580 results for computer programmers comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Programmers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 09,
2009
Tags newspaper, scared, praying, stock broker, sitting, computer, reading, smiling, technology, Entertainment
Transcript
Carol says, "Your stockbroker is in the news today." The boss says, "Uh-oh." The boss says, "Please be because he won a humanitarian award?or he was killed by a celebrity." Carol says, "Ironically, several celebrity humanitarians do want to kill him now." The boss says, "Gaaaa!!!"
Monday May 25,
2009
Tags project, budget, deadline, resources, ridiculous
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I'll never be able to finish my project on time." The Boss says, "You need to take ownership." Dilbert says, "Can I hire more programmers?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Can I reduce the number of features?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "So...I'm just taking ownership of the failure?" The Boss says, "Don't be greedy."
Tuesday June 30,
2009
Tags typing, lazy, idea, trick, deception, managing, stupidity
Transcript
Wally says, "I programmed my instant-messaging software to send random questions to our boss every hour." Wally says, "They're all yes or no questions so he'll have the illusion of managing me." Computer says, "Should I rotate the domain protocols so they wear out evenly?" The boss says, "Yes"
Friday July 24,
2009
Tags coworker, thinking, sitting, computer, depressed, technology
Transcript
Dilbert thinks, "As usual, my coworkers have filled in every space on my outlook calendar." Dilbert says, "Now I am only a puppet hurdling toward failure." Man says, "Hey there, dailure puppet!" Dilbert thinks, "I hoped it wasn't so obvious."
Saturday August 08,
2009
Tags guilt, excuse, lie, work, avoiding, acting
Transcript
Wally says, "The successful work - avoider combines a fake eagerness to help with just a hint of likely failure." Man says, "Wally, I need load calcs in an hour." Wally says, "No problem! Unless my computer keeps crashing like it did all morning." Man says, "I'll ask someone else." Wally says, "I am begging you to let me help!" Asok thinks, "Wow!"
Tuesday August 25,
2009
Tags excuses, ridiculous, explaining, software, reassurance, angry, annoyed, lazy, engineering
Transcript
Wally says, "My productivity software turned on me." Wally says, "It keeps crashing my computer. But that's okay because I don't need a computer to do my job." Wally says, "Do you have any assignments that are sort of pre-industrial?"
Thursday September 17,
2009
Tags criticism, project, pain, ridicule, investment, computer, technology
Transcript
Dilbert thinks, "I have invested all of my self-esteem in this powerpoint presentation." Dilbert thinks, "It is all that I am and all that I will be. It is a digital reckoning of my value." Alice says, "Did they catch the chimp who made your slides?" Dilbert says, "Ow. Ow. Ow."
Thursday October 15,
2009
Tags sitting, computer, Advice, fire, pain, angry, unexpected, technology
Transcript
Carol says, "Now what do I do?" Dilbert says ,"Click some buttons and see what happens. You can't hurt anything." Click Fzzeet! Dilbert says, "In my defense, that hardly ever happens."
Sunday May 11,
2008
Tags file emailed, viewer application, upgrade, operating system, new one, corrupted files
Transcript
"Wally, I can't open that file you e-mailed." "Sounds like you need to upgrade your viewer application." "Which means you'll probably have to upgrade your operating system." "You'd better add some ram while you're at it." "But it probably makes no sense to upgrade your old computer. This is a good time to get a new one." "How do I get a new computer?" "It's easy. I'll send you a file that explains it." "Are you sending corrupted files to people again?" "Only if I think they deserve it."
Sunday February 21,
2010
Tags cost estimate, deny, numbers, manipulate, decisions, hurt, typing at computer, humming noise, annoy, go away, angry face, home, sitting on couch
Transcript
Coworker says, "Can I get a rough cost estimate for the design phase?" Dilbert says, "No. I don't trust you with numbers." Coworker says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You're the kind of guy who will remove useful qualifiers and distribute a figure as if it is true in all cases." Dilbert says, "Decisions will be made. People will get hurt." Dilbert says, "For everyone's sake, the safest thing I can do is make an annoying humming sound until you go away." Dilbert says, "Hummmmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmmmm." Dilbert says, "Half of life is making people go away." Dogbert says, "Humm-mmmm"


