Never Drank Agina Comic Strips - Page 58

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View 571 - 580 results for never drank agina comic strips. Discover the best "Never Drank Agina" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boxes With Names

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Boxes With Names - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #office workers, #suspicious, #layoff

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Boss: The rumors of a major layoff are completely untrue. Dilbert: Why did the facilities management people just deliver a huge load of cardboard boxes to the break room? Boss: You can never have too many boxes. Dilbert: Why does every box have an employee name on it?

Robot Coparents

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Robot Coparents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marriage, #Parenting, #robot, #shocked, #humans, #rumor

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Asok: Is it true you married a human woman and she gave birth to a cyborg? Robot: No, that's a ridiculous rumor. Asok: Oh, good. Robot: We're co-parenting. We never got married.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #computers, #intelligence, #technology, #trick, #humans

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Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

Health Problems

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Health Problems  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #age, #complaining, #health, #office, #office workers

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Alice: Do me a favor and never put me on a project with people over the age of forty. They waste the first fifteen minutes of every meeting talking about their health problems. Boss: Did you say something? I can't hear you over my tinnitus.

It Already Works

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It Already Works - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #phone, #nuclear

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office worker: your so-called "safe" nuclear power invention will never work. dilbert: it already works. i'm charging my phone with it. office worker: i mean, it will never be economical. dilbert: it can power a small city for a dollar per day. office worker: pffft. i'll bet it ends up costing triple that.

Be More Like Alice

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Be More Like Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complain, #office, #office workers, #pay raise

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the boss: i can't give you a raise because you didn't do anything noteworthy this year. dilbert: it only seems that way because i'm so good at my job that i make it look easy and never complain. alice visually upset and yelling: my job is a nightmare!!! the boss: why can't you be more like alice?

Wally Answers Phone In Bathroom

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Wally Answers Phone In Bathroom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #mobile phone

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carol: every time i try to call your mobile phone, you don't answer. wally: i only answer my phone when i'm in the bathroom. carol: i will never call you again. wally: it's time for office hours.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #email, #office workers, #project manager, #office, #liar, #photoshop

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office worker: why are you telling everyone my project got canceled? dilbert: i never said anything like that. office worker: you're such a liar. i saw your email to ted. dilbert: if i show you that email right now, and it says nothing about your project... will you admit you were wrong and humbly apologize to me? office worker: i don't think i can commit to that. dilbert: well, anyway, here it is, and you can plainly see you were wrong. office worker: this looks photo-shopped. dilbert: i don't see a winning path for me here.

Worthless Suggestions

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Worthless Suggestions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

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ted: i notice you didn't incorporate any of my suggestions in your final draft. ted: it's as if you are saying my ideas are worthless. dilbert: i would never say that. ted: so you're saying my ideas are good? dilbert: let's not reject ambiquity so quickly.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #business, #office, #raise, #project

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the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.