Business People Comic Strips - Page 59

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Business People

View 581 - 590 results for business people comic strips. Discover the best "Business People" comics from Dilbert.com.

Layoff Package

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Layoff Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, fire, office, office workers, buyout

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.

Finding A Scapegoat

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding A Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, project, ceo, scapegaot, climate change

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project. dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault. the boss: are you kidding? the boss: people will believe anything. the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation. dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible. the boss: that's overkill. dilbert: we don't need to sound credible? the boss: not even a little. the boss is in ceo's office. the boss: our project failed because of climate change. ceo: that sounds right.

Drooling Incompetents

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Drooling Incompetents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, competent, incompetent

View Transcript

Transcript

wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.

More People Working At Home

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
More People Working At Home - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, office, office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The office is too quiet today. Carol: That's because more people are working from home. Boss: How can I do my job if I can't pop into people's cubicles and share my wisdom? Second question: why is everything running so smoothly lately?

New Cubicles

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Cubicles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: are you enjoying your new cubicles? alice: my old cubicle had a window view. my new cubicle is in a windowless room with gray walls. it's always too cold, and i'm surrounded by noisy people i dislike. i feel anxious, unhealthy, and depressed all day long. thanks to the office relocation, my life has become a rapid descent into madness. boss: on the plus side, we saved five precent in rent. no one ever likes to hear about the plus side.

The Consultant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, boss, business, criticism, managers & supervisors, judgement

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: ...And that's what I recommend. Boss: I reject your recommendation because it doesn't match what we already decided to do. Man: That's no way to run a business. Boss: Can you refer me to a less judgy consultant?

Need To Retrain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Need To Retrain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, business, office, retrain, proposal, employees, risk, cost, work

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: your idea is dumb because we'd have to retrain people dilbert: are you waiting for a plan with no costs, no work, and no risk? boss: yes, why are you holding that one back?

We Already Have A Carl

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
We Already Have A Carl - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, interview, skills, confuse, employee, names

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't hire you because we already have an employee named carl. it would confuse people, and we don't need that. interviewee: what about my skills? boss: people with better names have skills too.

Manufacturing In Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Manufacturing In Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, out source, elbonia, money, government, reputation

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we're moving our manufacturing operations to elbonia to save money. dilbert: are you worried about elbonian government's reputation? boss: nah. i try to stay out of the weeds. dilbert: they're building concentration camps and rounding up dissenters. they intenionally poisoned a hundred thousand people in this country. they are habitual stealers of intellectual property, and they routinely ignore agreements they have signed. and they have a well-known goal of weakening other countries so they can dominate the world. boss: why can you just admit i'm saving money?

The Best Way To Succeed

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Best Way To Succeed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, office workers, success, delegate

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the best way to succeed in this world is through hard work dilbert: is that the way you did it? boss: no, i used the second-best way dilbert: which is... boss: making other people work hard