Business People Comic Strips - Page 59

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivational message, employees, first day, rest of the week, business

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The boss sits at his desk. He speaks into a PA system but the handset is held upside down. The Boss says, "This is today's motivational message for all employees." The Boss says, "Today is the first day of the rest of the week." The Boss thinks, "Or is it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, con people, insult people, consult, expensive, demeaning

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Dogbert sits on a rock in the middle of a field. Dogbert thinks, "I like to con people. And I like to insult people." Dogbert thinks, "If you combine con and insult, you get "consult." Dogbert stands on the boss' desk. Dogbert says, "I'm here to consult you." The Boss says, "It sounds expensive and demeaning...okay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags worthless manager, project reveiwed, marking done

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Dilbert and the worthless manager sit at a table with piece of paper between them. Dilbert says, "At this phase, the project will be reviewed by a worthless manager." The worthless manager says, "Hee-hee! I wonder if he knows what people say about him." Dilbert writes on the paper. The worthless manager says, "Why are marking it 'done'? Did you decide to skip that phase?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags powerless peon, agent of change, dynamic work group, business card, paper trail

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The boss stands. Dilbert sits. The Boss says, "Don't think of yourself as a powerless peon in a box." The Boss says, "You're an agent of change is a dynamic, natural work group." Dilbert stands in front of his cubicle. Dilbert says, "Can I put that on my business cards?" The Boss says, "I'd rather not leave a paper trail."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project, needs attention, meeting, helper for porject, engineers, business

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The Boss, Wally and Alice sit at the conference table. Wally says, "This project needs your complete attention." Alice says, "Wally's right. Forget the other projects and focus on that one." Wally, Alice and Dilbert eat lunch. Dilbert says, "Did I miss anything at the meeting?" Wally says, "We got you a little helper for your project."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personal business, lunch hour, work through lunch, take full hour, internet, business only, limited zeros and ones, technology

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Dilbert leans his head in the Boss's office and says, "I'm going to do some personal business during my lunch hour." Dilbert continues, "Normally I would work through lunch." Dilbert says, "But this will take a full hour." Dilbert turns to leave and says, "It would only take two minutes if I used the Internet." Dilbert turns back towards the Boss and wags his finger, saying, "But the internet is for business use only!" The Boss stares as Dilbert says, "Our company has a limited number of zeroes and ones." Dilbert holds out his arms and says, "When they're gone, they're gone. Furthermore..." Wally looks at Dilbert and asks, "You mocked him for a full hour?" Dilbert says, "Now it's time to eat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, hr diretor, improve perfromance, feel bad, faults, boss lists faults, hoping for improvement

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Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director Catbert stands on the top of a chair talking to the boss. Catbert says, "You can improve an employee's performance by making him feel bad about himself." The Boss says, "So, although that wouldn't work on me, it works fine on other people?" Catbert says, "Exactly." The boss stands behind Dilbert and reads from a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I'll read your faults one at a time. Tell me when your performance improves."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags time to work, two assignments, essential business, boss solution, impossible, doesn't understand

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Dilbert stands in The Boss's doorway. Dilbert holds two pieces of paper. Dilbert says, "I have time to do ONE of these two assignments." Dilbert says, "One is essential to the business the other is not. Which ONE do you want me to do?" The Boss says, "Both!" Dilbert says, "I know you WANT both. But if you can only GET one..." The Boss says, "Combine them and just do one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags morale problem, boss solutions, knickname for group, scatalogical, involves monkeys, meeting, decide nickname, suggestions, business

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The Boss stands at the front of the room in front of an easel that says "Morale Problem." The Boss says, "I have a solution to our morale problem." The Boss continues, "We need a nickname for our group." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Can it be something scatological?" The Boss replies, "Ummm...no." Wally asks, "How about something that involves monkeys?" The Boss says, "I don't think so." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Oooh...but can it be something that's both scatological AND involves monkeys?" Wally walks out of the meeting and says, "It's hard to be optimistic when he's so grumpy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags barger, closed dorr, curse, intense enrgy, new hire, not a knocker, pushes

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Tina charges down the hallway pushing people out of her way. Tina says, "Get out of my way, weaklings!" Tina stands in front of the boss' closed door. Tina screams, "This closed door can't stop me! I'll curse it off its #%@!! hinges!" Ann stands on top of the boss's door which has fallen into the Boss's office. There is a person flattened beneath it. The boss looks shocked. The Boss says, "You could have knocked." Ann says, "I'm a barger, not a knocker."