Fake Own Death Comic Strips - Page 59
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685 Results for Fake Own Death
View 581 - 590 results for fake own death comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Own Death" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 26,
2016
Tags goals, accomplishment, consciousness, death, achievement, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.
Wednesday July 06,
2016
I Own You
Tags honesty, work ethic, communication, text, control
Transcript
Boss: Why didn't you answer my text last night? Dilbert: Um... Boss: You have no social life, and you aren't dead, so there's no excuse. I own you! Dilbert: Whoever said honest is refreshing never heard any.
Thursday July 28,
2016
Dashboard For The Boss
Tags technology, ruse, trick, deception.
Transcript
Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.
Saturday August 06,
2016
Drone Defense Has One Problem
Tags drones, national security, invention, technology, birds, death, environmental issues, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: We are testing the drone defense shield as I speak. Boss: Is it working so far? Dilbert: Not according to the Audubon Society.
Tuesday August 23,
2016
Wally Self Identifies As A Woman
Tags trans, transgender, gimmick
Transcript
Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.
Sunday August 28,
2016
Tags scam, death, reincarnation, con, con artist, ghost, medical
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.
Sunday September 18,
2016
Tags executives, robot, technology, fairness, unfair, golden parachute, oblivioiusness
Transcript
CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.
Tuesday November 08,
2016
The Virus Afterlife
Tags soul, conscience, morality, morals, sentience, life, death, existence, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: I couldn't find any evidence that I have a soul, so I built an artificial one and put it in a drone. When my physical body dies, the drone will upload my memories and personality to the cloud to live forever. Woman: Your soul will be trapped in a server? Dilbert: No, I wrapped it in a virus so I can travel.
Wednesday November 09,
2016
Don't Harm The Artificial Soul
Tags soul, drone, artificial intelligence, frustration, death, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: Pay no attention to the drone. That's where I keep my artificial soul. It's still in beta, so please don't say anything that might harm it. Boss: Let's go around the room and give our project updates. Drone: Pow!