Job Interview Comic Strips - Page 59
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993 Results for Job Interview
View 581 - 590 results for job interview comic strips. Discover the best "Job Interview" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 14,
2009
Tags interview, asking, Family, large, leaving, trouble, busy, annoyed
Transcript
the boss says, "Do you have any relatives?" Man says, "Yes, I have a huge family." The boss says, "In any given week, how many of them are dying, graduating, going to jail, or getting married?" Man says, "Maybe?six." The Boss says, "When would you have time to work?" Man says, "I have to go. Someone fell out of a tree."
Sunday November 29,
2009
Tags project manager, gene pool, kitchen, losing, foreboding, anguish, monitoring
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Ellen, your new project manager." The Boss says, "If you do a bad job, Ellen will be on you like a ton of bricks." Boss says, "And if you do a good job, she will be threatened by your success and make it her mission to destroy you." Dilbert says, "Wait...what?" Dilbert says, "Did you just tell me I'm going to lose no matter what I do?" Ellen says, "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen." Ellen says, "And by kitchen I mean the entire job market And the gene pool." "Dilbert says, "I have a bad feeling about this." Ellen says, "Your anguish nourishes me!"
Saturday December 19,
2009
Tags lying, bidders, cost, invoice, bid, crooked
Transcript
Dilbert says, "This invoice is for twice as much as your bid." The Man says, "Duh. You wouldn't have given us the job if we told you how much it was really going to cost." Man says, "If it makes you feel any better, all of the other bidders lied too. We're just better at it."
Sunday January 10,
2010
Tags accoutning, crawling, hole, creature, bureacracy, unhappy
Transcript
Dilbert thinks, "Groan" Accounting Dilbert says, "I'd like to see someone about my rejected expense report." Creature says, "The problem is that you didn't submit a receipt for your bridge toll." Dilbert says, "Or maybe the problem is that you have a joyless, dead-end job." Dilbert says, "ANd your boss doesn't allow you to use your own judgement because working here is proof that you don't make good decisions." Creature says, "Actually, I was going to approve it." Dilbert says, "You don't have to get an attitude about it."
Tuesday January 19,
2010
Tags futurists, baby boomers, retire, coffee, standing
Transcript
Wally says, "Futurists say that when baby boomers start retiring in big numbers, you won't be able to fill critical job openings." Wally says, "If you agree to let me slack off now, I'll give you a few good years when I'm sixty." The Boss says, "What if you renege?" Wally says, "That's a risk I'm willing to take."
Monday January 25,
2010
Tags standing, project, coffee, matter
Transcript
The Boss says, ?Another division needs your help for a six-month project.? Dilbert says, ?Who will do my work here?? The Boss says, ?You'll keep doing this job too, but only the things that matter.? Dilbert says, ?How long have I been doing things that don't matter?? The Boss says, ?Oops.?
Tuesday January 26,
2010
Tags human resources, acid, vat, toxic fumes, standing on chair, scared, business
Transcript
CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?Ted, I'm transferring you to a job with a higher risk of industrial accidents.? Catbert says, ?Your job will involve reaching over a vat of acid while wearing no safety harness.? Ted says, ?Why do we have a vat of acid?? Catbert says, ?Because toxic fumes take forever.?
Tuesday February 16,
2010
Tags ombudsman, devil, helen fry, job, management, complaint, issue, pitchfork, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Helen, we're looking for a new ombudsman. Your experience in the afterlife makes you an ideal candidate." Helen says, "I'll take the job. But call me Mrs. Fry." Asok says, "I have an issue with management." The Boss says, "Go to Helen Fry." Yes, I know it's an old joke
Thursday February 25,
2010
Tags new account manager, boring job, problem solver, introduce, shake hands, first day, toys
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new account manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "His job is solving a hodgepodge of problems that would bore a normal person to death." The Boss says, "We think his parents didn't let him have toys." Dilbert says, "The first day is the easiest."
Sunday February 28,
2010
Tags meeting, accomplish, week, fantasy, time magazine, entrepreneurial, real job, motion to head, powerpoint slides, horror, real life, kill, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, what did you accomplish this week?" Dilbert says, "I doubled my sales and made the cover of Time magazine." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Oh. Whoops. Sorry." Dilbert says, "For a moment there I confused my entrepreneurial fantasty life with my real job." Dilbert says, "I run a parallel career in my mind. In that world, I'm the founder of a hot start-up."B<R>Dilbert says, "It keeps my brain from fully realizing the horror of my actual career and trying to kill the rest of my body." Dilbert says, "But to answer you original question, this week I made some powerpoint slides that have no particular use." Dilbert says, "GAAA!!! My brain is trying to kill the rest of my body!" The Boss says, "Moving on..."

