Use Integration Comic Strips - Page 59

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

623 Results for Use Integration

View 581 - 590 results for use integration comic strips. Discover the best "Use Integration" comics from Dilbert.com.

Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone

Thank you for voting.
Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #property, #possession, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Can I borrow your phone to make a call? I dropped mine and broke it. Dilbert: No, I don't like other people touching my phone, or breathing on it, or reading my messages. Tina: You have a lot of issues. Dilbert: Said the person who doesn't use protective phone cases because they are ugly.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

Thank you for voting.
Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #boss, #leadership, #power, #influence

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.

Tina Writes Product Warnings

Thank you for voting.
Tina Writes Product Warnings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2017's comic on:


Tags #user guide, #caution, #directions, #safety

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Tina, I need you to write the product warning section for the user guide. Make sure you cover every possible danger. Tina: "Never use this product while standing below a poorly maintained helicopter full of porcupines."

Dopamine

Thank you for voting.
 Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #addiction, #dopamine, #prescription, #drugs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Why do I need a prescription from a doctor to make a drug that boosts my dopamine... but I don't need a doctor's approval to use an app that is designed to do the same thing? Are you ignoring me and playing with your phone? Dogbert: I wasn't getting any dopamine from listening to you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2017's comic on:


Tags #military, #office workers, #survival, #hero

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: This is our new employee, Mark. Mark was a navy SEAL. He fought in three separate conflicts. He once fought off a hundred insurgents and saved a town. Show Mark how we roll at this company. Dilbert: Today I'll be reformatting my PowerPoint deck because someone said the design is not organic. Mark: What's that mean? Dilbert: It doesn't matter. I'll just push some things around and hope the guy who complained doesn't attend the next meeting. Mark: How do you survive this place? Dilbert: I don't like to use the word "hero."

Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code

Thank you for voting.
Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #government, #back door, #self driving, #software, #kill terrorits, #traitor, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Im uncomfortable with letting the government have a back door into our sled driving car software. The Boss: You worry too much, They'll only use it to kill terrorists and traitors. Dilbert: I think I might disable it and not tell them. The Boss: Traitor

Dogbert's Personality Profiles

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Personality Profiles   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2018's comic on:


Tags #consultant, #personality, #test, #business, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I have the results of your Dogbert Personality Profiles. Based on your questionnaire answers, Alice is angry, Wally is lazy, and Dilbert is boring. Dilbert: How are we supposed to use this new information? Dogbert: Wake me up when he's done talking.

How To Use Personality Profiles

Thank you for voting.
How To Use Personality Profiles  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #personality test, #personaity, #privacy, #memory, #forgetfulness, #absent mindedness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We all took the Dogbert Personality Test, bu tit's not clear how we're supposed to use the information. I mean, how does it help me to know you're a forgetful moron who can't keep a secret? Boss: Who showed you my private test results? Dilbert: You did.

Meeting Rooms Are Booked

Thank you for voting.
Meeting Rooms Are Booked  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2018's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #managers, #scheduling, #conflict

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My project stalled because all of our meeting rooms have been reserved by managers just in case they need them. My current plan for success is to wait until one of you dies sow e can use your meeting room. Boss: Let's not do project status reports anymore.