Asok Comic Strips - Page 59

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964 Results for Asok

View 581 - 590 results for Asok comic strips. Discover the best "Asok" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags award, hard work, chair, new chair, stolen, happiest moment

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The Boss: This award goes to Asok for his hard work on ... Whatever. Asok: "My dedication has been rewarded! This is the happiest moment of my life!" "Wow! It's lucky that I got a new chair on the same day that mine was stolen."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discontinued chips, crazy glare, useless

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"Hey, Dilbert, can you update the yield numbers for our discontinued chips?" "Well, if I have to choose between being rude and doing something useless..." "Consider my crazy glare." "I guess I'll start being useless."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags statistical analysis, efforts and rewards, sea of randomness, devoid of purpose, lactation

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Asok: "I did a statistical analysis and found no correlation between my efforts and my rewards." "I felt adrift in a sea of radomness and absurd, devoid of purpose, lost." "And then I got paid and I purchased some unnecessary merchandise and now I feel fine." Wally: "Lactation can't be far behind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags upgrade computer, non standard equipment, cubicle, den, non stardard, onitor, healing, clense, upgraded computer, abacus

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I asked the I.T. department to upgrade my computer. "They're coming here??!" "We must hide our non-standard equipment!" "Uh-oh." "So-o-o... this den of non-standardization must be your cubicle." "This non-standard printer is coming with me. And I don't remember that monitor on our list." "I must cleanse your cubicle of non-conformancce so the healing can begin." "Surely my upgraded computer will arrive soon." Months later "Abacus?" "Please shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags weekly wally report, worthless iput, harmful advice, ignored email, priorities, my budget estimates, any success, format

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"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, himan resources, downsized, free dvd, live off land, shoplifting, running fast

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Don't worry about being downsized after the reorganization." "Downsized employees will get my free DVD that teaches you how to live off the land." "The key to successful shoplifting is running very fast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags spreadsheet for accuracy, impenetrable jumble, poorly organized, cryptic labels, simple document, ratio of returns, sales taxes, roprtgresta, organizing, taxes, coulumns

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"Can you check my spreadsheet for accuracy?" "It's an impenetrable jumble of poorly organized data with cryptic labels." "I only need you to check it for accuracy." "I don't think accuracy matters if no one can tell what it's for." "Sheesh! Let me expain this document!" "This column is the ratio of product returns to gross revenue excluding sales taxes, annualized." "it's clearly labeled "ROPRTGRESTA."" "What about the other 80 columns?" "What the #*%!?" "And Dilbert found no inaccuracies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bench mark results, ten minute explination, in sales, here you go

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"Dilbert, do you have the bench-mark results?" "Do you want the ten-minute explanation of why the data are useless, or a simple "Here you go"?" "I'm in sales." "Here you go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marketing needs volunteers, ads stimulate, people brains, cat scan, see coming

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"Marketing needs volunteers for a study about how our ads stimulate people's brains." "Who among us would like to get a cat scan?" "Okay, seriously, who didn't see this coming?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags objectives are vague, unmeasurable, not inspired, achieve full ptential, bad job

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"I am concerned because my objectivess are vague and unmeasurable." "As a result, I am not inspired to achieve my full potential... and... um..." "Did I just say I'm doing a bad job and ask you to punish me?" "That's what I heard."