Sit Down Comic Strips - Page 59

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ratbert, corporate trainer, grim downsizer, stress reduction, budget cuts, class evaluation forms

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The Grim Reaper approaches Ratbert and says, "Pssst!" The Grim Reaper says, "I'm the Grim Downsizer. Trainers are the first to go. I'll just hang around here until the next budget cuts." Ratbert looks scared. The Angel of Death asks, "Do you mind if I sit in on your stress-reduction class?" Ratbert says, "I don't think I'll read the class evaluation forms from this one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags metric, project, growth rate, time zone, favorable, working smater, not harder, new paradignm

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Wally, Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Wally points to a diagram and says, "This metric shows an excellent trend in the number of days since the beginning of my project." Wally continues, "That growth rate compares favorably with the best companies in our time zone." As they walk away, Wally tells Dilbert, "I'm working smarter, not harder." Dilbert says, "It's a whole new paradigm."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags school for interpersonal skills, Dogbert, good relationships, huge phony, three fundamentals, loud, simple, smiley, low pressure system, weather

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Dogbert stands at the front of a room and says, "The secret to good relationships is to be a huge phony." Dilbert and Wally sit in the class. Dogbert clicks a remote control and says, "Let's practice the three fundamentals." A slide projection lists, "Loud, Simple, Smiley." Wally shouts, "Hey, how about that low-pressure system, huh?!!" Dogbert stands on a stool and says, "Again, but this time say 'weather.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new smoking habit, teeth turned yellow, social outcast, going broke, house burned down, going to quit, long term view

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Alice asks Wally, "How do you like your new smoking habit?" Wally replies, "My teeth turned yellow, my breath is putrid, I'm a social outcast, I'm going broke, and my house burned down." Alice asks, "So you're going to quit?" Wally replies, "No, I'm trying to take a long term view of it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brian, work for comapny, job interview, practice interview, done here, lunch time, don't see sandwhiches

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Dilbert and a man sit at a table. Dilbert says, "So tell me . . . Brian . . . Why do you want to work for this company?" The man replies, "Well, to be honest, I don't. I'm using this as a practice interview." Dilbert says, "I guess we're done here." Brian looks at his watch and says, "Hello-o-o!!! It's lunch time and I don't see sandwiches."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil hr dierctor, resumes, highly qualified, applicants, don't pay enough, hire qualified applicants

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Catbert stands on a desk and says to Dilbert, "Here are the resumes of highly qualified applicants for your opening." Catbert snatches the resumes away from Dilbert and says, "It's too bad we don't pay enough to hire qualified applicants. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!" Alice and Dilbert sit at a table looking through piles of resumes. Alice says, "Let's see . . . We've got resumes in pencil . . . Crayon . . . pencil . . . Eyeliner . . ." Dilbert says, "Hey! Dot matrix!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags move slowly, online relationships, yipe, madam cruella

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert says, "You have to move slowly with these online relationships. I'll ask her what she likes to do for fun." Dilbert and Dogbert look shocked. Dilbert says, "YIPE!" Dilbert says, "You'd think that a woman named Madame Cruella would compensate by being extra nice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogbert consulting, credibility, money, better spent consulting, downsizing, analysis, upgrade deluxe service, science

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The Boss, Dogbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I hired the Dogbert Consulting Company to add credibility to my decisions." Dogbert wears a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert says, "As my analysis shows, it's much better to give your money to me than to waste it on future downsizees such as yourselves." Wally asks, "What analysis? This is a page ripped out of the magazine in our lobby." Dogbert replies, "Perhaps you should upgrade to my deluxe service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marketing dept., cubicle walls, sneak down, experimnet, forgets

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Alice asks Dilbert, "What are you doing in the marketing department?" Dilbert pulls a cubicle wall and replies, "It's an experiment." Dilbert explains, "I sneak down here once a week and move this guy's cubicle wall in by a quarter-inch." A man with a briefcase tries to squeeze into a tiny cubicle. Alice asks, "What's this experiment going to prove?" Dilbert replies, "I forget. It's been a long time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags catbert evil hr director, random acts, catness, ink suit, appproaching, purring, shedding, curl and style

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Catbert walks down the hall thinking, "I feel like committing random acts of catness." Catbert holds out his paws and thinks, "Woman in pink suit approaching . . . Activate purring and shedding." Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "So, Alice, how long does it take to curl and style a suit like that?" Wally asks, "Do you dry-clean it or just give it a perm?"